Previously on Goodness Gracious Get Ahold of Yourself, Paula!, wah wah trip wah. Tonight, Paula learns a valuable lesson. HAHAHAHAAAAAAA. No, she really doesn’t. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Last week, Paula was not treated like the gift that she is and her Jewelry Rep Guy at QVC had the nerve to ask her to pay for jewelry for the entire cast and crew of American Idol. THE NERVE!
She’s still stuck in Philly waiting to get a plane out to NY to do the Letterman Show. Will it work out, or will she miss another chance to make an ass out of herself on national TV? Only one way to find out! This is Holy Mother, Did You Really Just Say That, Paula? !
Last week, Paula threatened to come after a reporter who suggested she drank, she tried to move the clouds with her garage door opener, and she spun around in a lot of circles without throwing up. Well done!!
As if sensing that our heroin was looking like she was on heroine on national TV, Bravo has changed the theme song from “Straight Up” (Do do ya love me?) to “Nice Guys Finish Last”. If that doesn’t make you “AWWWWW!” then you are a cold hearted bitch. Welcome! This is Jesus Christ, Paula!
I am not the kind of person who can just sit with bad news all alone in my apartment. I have to share it with the world!! Tsunami in the Indian Ocean? Call me! A new war brewing with Iran? Let’s have lunch! Oh, Paula! still isn’t cancelled? Call Mary Jane and get your butt to my couch. We’ve got a train wreck to tailgate!
As I recapped my first episode of this show the other day, I thought to myself “Why would Paula open her show with a falling down drunk episode? How stupid is this woman?” Well, as it turns out, she’s in good, falling down drunk company.
That was actually her second episode. Her first makes a Hell of a lot more sense, and she’s sober the entire time. Boooooooo! Ah, well. That doesn’t mean I had to be! Throw a couple back (you’ll need em) and join me for the first episode ever of my favorite new train wreck: Woooooah, Paula!
I have a pretty busy Summer of recapping about to commence over at the ‘gasm, but when I saw the pilot episode of this show, I couldn’t resist throwing together a romp through Crazy Town for you.
I found that it was pretty difficult to describe exactly what went down (nailing Paula’s English alone can take hours) in words, but I did my best. I have never felt such joy, pity, jubilation, and grief at one time. If you have any Vicodin, Percoset, or hell, spray paint to ingest, pull it out now, put your hands in the air and HOLLA! All together now! HEY, PAULA!!
