We open with a picture show of all the millions of people who have auditioned for Idol over the years. I hope there are no people with epilepsy watching, cuz the flashes will kill them on the spot. It’s like a super fast picture show of broken dreams and busted ass faces.
Missing Since 2003
We’re not one second in before we are thrown a major spoiler.
Not that it’s a huge surprise, but still!
This shit’s almost over, so let’s not waste any time and instead get right to the obligatory “Tink’s Tall” shot of the evening.
Unfortunately, he eventually has to make it down the stairs and boom. Short again.
Short people got no body.
This is the fight over who gets to sing Skara’s super shitty finale song of the year! And THIS. IS AMERICAN IDOL!
As you know, I prefer getting my Idol recaps up the next day. Partly because this show is old news like two hours after it airs, and partly because I like to not have to have it swimming around my brain all week. This one is a bit delayed because I have been in New York all week. I love this city! The smell of pee! Carb shops (giant bagels) on every corner! Getting drunk til four am and not having to drive! HOLLER!
Me and my sister in a few decades. I’m the blonde.
Golden Girl and drag heel bathtub!
Jesus. Could you be a little more specific?
I would show you pics of drunks peeing in the streets and the old black lady beating a horse buggy driver with her cane, but we’re not here for my trip pics. This is my New York office (Starbuccios). And THIS! IS AMERICAN IDOL RESULTS!
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Tonight on American Idol, we are treated to visions of gay hell and the story of how Harry got herpes.
We all get that reality isn’t really real on TV. So when Rocky music plays and the audience screams and the judge’s comments are edited down to “in it to win it!” “brilliant vocals!” and “you look thin with the snake hair!” we know it’s an illusion. Sometimes, though, you have to put your foot down and just call bullshit.
Why stop at enlarging the hat? Why not just take away his eight chins and his manboobs too? LIARS!
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