Tonight is the most depressing Project Runway of the season. Enter at your own risk.

Tricky ass phone.
Tonight is the most depressing Project Runway of the season. Enter at your own risk.

Tricky ass phone.
Tonight on American Idol, a Jonas, a Montana, and a Demi walk into a bar…

Do that headbanging thing you do against this pan, k?
Tonight on Project Runway, all of Earth’s elements are polluted. So recycle, or something. Some of these designs are so bad they’ll put hair on your chest.

Tonight, American Idol proves….well nothing. It proves nothing. But the women were better. There. You feeling sad yet? Wanna feel sadder? Keep reading.

The only difference between you and me is MY TEARS ARE REAL! And you’re thinner. And prettier. And more barren. And richer. But we’re just as balding! Why do I feel the need to know you? WHY?!
Tonight, the girls who suck consistently are awesome and the awesome girls suck. Way to change it up, Idol!

Well, at least someone’s consistent.
Wow. Tonight’s American Idol results is full of greatness. If this is what a subpar season looks like then I’m ALL IN.

I don’t really have anything to say about this, but yay for kinda pretty people!
Tonight on Project Runway, PeeWee Herman comes up with a new character, Emilioth pronounces a bunch of stuff wrong, and a giant bites off Jaysian’s head.

Tonight on American Idol, Skara says things that I knida agree with two times, most of the girls blow chunks, and OrganiJoplin lives!!

It’s nights like this you wonder how this girl didn’t get on the show.
Tonight on American Idol, there is a lot of sitting on stools. The favorites fall hard, and the weaker contestants rise to the top. And lots of guys do pushups.

Yes, Skara. WE CAN HEAR YOU.
The View ladies sat down with Octomom on the 23rd. Have you guys watched? Sherri calls her out on laughing like a maniac and Whoopie gives her the “Glenn Beck told lies about me” look the whole time. Octo talks about how she’s dating again and writing a book. She can’t promise not to have any more babies (she’s already got 14), cuz who knows? She might find love again and get married and what if he wants kids?!? If you can find a man who wants the feeling of making love to a warm closet, you can worry about having more kids, you NUT.
This has nothing to do with TV, but I felt it was important to tell you guys that a drug addicted alcoholic chimp was sent to rehab. This should have happened sooner so we could have seen how he would interact with Tom Sizemore on VH1. Update: the chimp was surprised to wake up and realize he was a lesbian. See, Lindsay? It’s not just you.

Nads needed a vaca, so I’m all yours today. You know what that means!! Let’s go to People.com and make fun of moronic celebrity adventures!!

Kirstie Alley: Diet Guru? LOL. The thing that’s most special about Kirstie is that SHE’S NOT KIDDING. All week she’s been tweeting (yes, I follow her on Twitter you guys. Cuz life’s too short not to laugh your ass off at any crazy person you can on a daily basis.) about how she’s going on Oprah! WOWEE! She promised us a very very special surprise! So special that she’s not gonna announce on Twitter? That is special. Let me guess. She’s going on a diet. Yup! But the twist is, so are you!!

We’re both getting too old for this shit.
Tonight, America makes some harebrained decisions and Kris comes back to remind us that he wasn’t second place on American Idol. This….is American Idol Results!!!!!

Not lookin’ good for Aloha.

Oh, Chikezie. What have you gotten yourself into? He was arrested yesterday for identity theft. He was trying to buy cologne under someone else’s name at Neiman’s. Now he’s in jail and he most likely still stinks. Dumbass. I am waiting for confirmation on this, but the name on the fake card is said to have been Isaac Washington.

The producers are dead set on a girl winning this season of American Idol, so each one of them has to be physically fit and at least semi cute. The guys are set up to lose, so they can be as fug as they need to be. Thankfully for us, this means we’ll at least get to hear some decent singing this year. At this point I don’t care if you look like a monkey. Just don’t suck.

You’re gonna be fantastic. On the radio.
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