Billy Mays Kicks His Coke Habit Posthumously

AP – One minute Billy Mays died cuz he was a raging cokehead, the next he was clean and sober. Confused?
The AP just released news that Mays’ family didn’t like the whole “cocaine use contributed to the heart disease that suddenly killed him” story the Hillsborough County medical examiner’s office released after his death so they hired an independent examiner to give them a better statement. I totally understand that because the doctor told me I was like sixty pounds overweight so I bought an independent scale at Target, hit it with a hammer, and according to it I’m anorexic. YAAAY!! I didn’t even realize I was losing weight! Must be all the coke.