We open this fine Flipping Out Reunion with a clip of Jeff explaining his “number two rollover minutes” employee plan. You’re either disgusted and looking for another website to go to right now or you’re like me: totally fascinated about the details of this plan. Let’s do this.
Hottest murderess of the season.
This week on Dancing With the Stars Results: Nora Jones pulls a Flash Forward and America revolts against skinny blondes.
They should have made her sing “Thriller”.
This week on Project Runway, the judges smoke a bong, Cranyons are handed a new color for free, and…
…Milla is forced to watch her own movies.
This week on the season finale of Flipping Out, we learn a little too much about alternative childbirth.
We kept you next to the fat free fudge pops and Lean Cuisines for too long. Let’s get you some chardonnay.
Tonight on Flipping Out, it’s a good thing homeless people don’t have TV cuz it gets ugly real fast.
Whoopi get going! You’re gonna be late to work!
Tonight on Dancing With the Stars Results, people dance! And then get kicked off!
Hey! I want one!
Tonight on Project Runway, one witch is out and another returns.
I’ll give you a hint, this is the one that doesn’t get aufed.
AP – One minute Billy Mays died cuz he was a raging cokehead, the next he was clean and sober. Confused?
The AP just released news that Mays’ family didn’t like the whole “cocaine use contributed to the heart disease that suddenly killed him” story the Hillsborough County medical examiner’s office released after his death so they hired an independent examiner to give them a better statement. I totally understand that because the doctor told me I was like sixty pounds overweight so I bought an independent scale at Target, hit it with a hammer, and according to it I’m anorexic. YAAAY!! I didn’t even realize I was losing weight! Must be all the coke.
People Magazine – Nads is sick today, which means I get to go to some of my favorite magazine sites and learn about what’s going on in the world outside my apartment. I would not wish illness on anyone, but today Nads’ has opened my brain to knowledge I wouldn’t have had otherwise. For example, did you know Meghan McCain is suffering a barrage of criticism after tweeting this pic?
I totes own a book you guys! OMGLOL
“So I took a fun picture not thinking anything about what I was wearing but apparently anything other than a pantsuit [and] I am a slut. Seriously I was just trying to be funny with the book and that I’m a dork staying in. When I am alone in my apartment, I wear tank tops and sweat pants, I had no idea this makes me a ’slut’, I can’t even tell you how hurt I am.”
It’s not the tank top that’s offensive, it’s the ten pound saline bags showing under your skin. You have done a disservice to plastic surgeons everywhere young lady, and you should be ashamed. There are those of us who are working our tails off to save up for a little enhancement, and you’ve made the whole process seem like a waste of time and money. What’s the point of saving up for new body parts if they’re just gonna make us look like twenty dollar an hour internet porn workers? Thanks for killing my dream, Meghan.
RadarOnline – Word on the street, well the internet street, is that Jon and Kate are about to be dunzies. I’ll wait for you to stop jumping up and down praising the Lord.
Done? K. Jon has revoked his permission to film the kids and without it, TLC is screwed. See, they were planning on showcasing bad parenting further single mom style with Kate Plus Eight, but now they’re stuck. I’m sure Kate will end up paying Jon what he wants and everything will be fine, cuz of all the things Jon wants to do right now, finding a job probably isn’t high on the list. I wish I was a mediator in this mess so I could end it in a way that would be best for everyone. Just sell those kids off and buy a condo so we can stop reading about your stupid asses everywhere.
Life and Style sends us some of the best emails. With the recession, two wars, and general shitty mood this country finds itself in, it’s always nice to know that Justin Timberlake ordered a Frappucino on the West side or Jessica Simpson got a pimple on the side of her nose from touching it too much. Don’t even try to tell me it’s not easier to swallow the current state of humanity when you can curl up at night in the blanket of knowledge that there will be more Kardashians born unto the world, so that your children will have as much fun rolling their eyes and making fun of their sex tapes as you did.
L&S caught up with the family at the opening of a Cupcake Store (LOL. No Wal-Mart ribbon cutting ceremony invites?) and asked how they’re dealing with the looming birth of their new family member. Kim: “You see what my sister is going through and it’s so much fun. Kourtney’s picking out cribs and high chairs. I’m getting her little clothes and shoes. It’s all so cute.” Mmmhmm. We’ll see how cute you think it is when you’re covered in slobber, poop, and baby spew in a few months. We look forward to the email Life and Style sends us about that.
Point is, with the state of the world as it is, it’s easy to wallow in self pity and feelings that life is pointless. I just wanted to remind you guys that there are people with more pointless lives than yours. You’re welcome. Eat a cupcake and wear a condom. xo
This week on Project Runway, we celebrate Oktoberfest and Elvis waaaaaahs for forty minutes. Good times.
It’s so haaaard!
This week on Heroes, I pray for Hiro to jump off a building.
Start with season 2 and work your way forward, buddy. We’ll wait.
Tonight on Dancing With the Stars Results, Joss Stone is an equal opportunity employer!
And…the Flying Midget makes a deal with the Midget Devil.
Hello sweeties! It’s night two of Dancing With The Stars. Tonight it’s the women’s turn to strut their stuff or bust their asses. Either way works for me. Let’s jump right on in.
This guy needs his own spinoff.
This week on Project Runway, illegal alien human hybrids across Earth bowed their heads in shame and we found out what gives Gunn boners.
My pants just got tighter in the crotch area.
This week on Project Runway, the LA Times finally proves itself useful.
If an adjective’s under four syllables, he’s not using it tonight.
Tonight is the night! WHO WILL WIN?? The twit, the flit, or the shit? Find out, on this special two hour tag team recap of Big Brother 11!
Give you a hint. This guy? Loses.
Every year we get together here at TVgasm and predict which new Fall shows will last through the season and which will tank. It’s mostly just an excuse to rag on TV we haven’t seen yet and to hang out together. Join us, won’t you?
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