Fashion Show: Mean Girls and Drama Queens

This week on Fashion Show, Eyesack starts turning into Anne Bancroft before our very eyes.

Last week, Disappointed Midwestern Mom not only got sent home, he got called average. I had high hopes for him. He didn’t really have any talent to speak of, but I like Moms.

Well, praying didn’t do squat. Thanks a lot up there! What did I go to church for forty years for? Now it’s back to those god awful brats. DON’T MAKE ME GO! If I have to make one more pbj sandwich I’m gonna cut one of their tiny heads off. Oh sweet Jesus. I can’t believe I just thought that. Forgive me. Waaah! I’m just so disapppoooointed!

Fabric Cancer Angel, the girl with a tranny name who dyes fabric with UV attracting rays, was just hanging by a thread when we last saw her. I only bring this up again cuz I didn’t notice last week that her “average woman” model looked like Yarn Lady with a pretty sweet but sensibly priced makeover.

Right?

Reco starts the week off by warning Merlin to leave him alone cuz he’s “butt naked and I gotta boner.” Merlin shrugs it off and says that’s “juss Reco een da morneen, anddat I don deal wee.” Yeah right. If that camera wasn’t on him he’d jump on that thing and do a spine spin.

Over in the girls bathroom, Kenley and Tax Haven are trying to decide whether desperate Haven’s short shorts will get her noticed by the judges more than Kenley’s desperate Kenley bow taped to the side of her Boy George Kenley head.

Girls! Don’t fight! You both look desperately seeking retarded, k? There. Feel better?

Merlin tells us that Kenley is unstoppable, and over in the other room, Kenley giggles maniacally and basically agrees with him. She doesn’t want to get cocky, cuz she knows there are still lots of people to get eliminated before she is crowned QUEEN! QUEEN OF THE WOOOORLD! Calm down, crazy. First off, you’re way past cocky. You’re way past cunty, k? Secondly, now I can’t think cuz I said cunty. Gross. She so is though.

I feel like I’m being too harsh on her. No wait. I just pressed play and she was still giggling insanely over her magnificence. She better get her ass kicked off, SOON. Once Merlin is fully dressed in his Yoko Ono morning look, they are out the door for another challenge.
They get to the studio and Laura Brown is there with EyeSack and Not Beyonce. Brown looks like a ten year old girl with a sixty year old head and stilettos. WTF is Laura Brown thinking? Yes, everyone wants to look young, but not that young. Next week she’s gonna show up in a onesie that says “My Mom’s Hot” on the front.

Dakota Fanning, shouldn’t you be in school?

EyeSack gets really serious. Like really, reaaallly serious. One day, these designers will be called on to design for someone very important and very influential. LOL. I am so sure. Why, look at Isabelle Toledo and Jason Wu! They’ve designed for Michelle Obama! And Dior designed for Cameron Diaz and Betsy Woo designed for Princess Di. What’s your point? None of those mothafuckas in the house. These people will be lucky to get called on for jury duty.
Today’s mystery guest is very influential, and one of New York’s biggest movers and shakers!! I’m guessing it will be the Deputy Mayor’s niece. This show could really pull in some stars if it wanted to.
Like Beyonce.
Not.
Tax Haven hopes “it’s Hitlery Clindon.” Hitlery Clindon? Maybe. Hillary Clinton? No, honey. Although there was one point in the early 90′s when she had that claw hair, like you have.

That’s some current shit.

Reco poos his pants. He tries to think of one single name of someone influential and important and can’t think of one. “Don’t tell me! Uh…what’s that chick name? Uh, Sandra Pagin Sandra … wha? Whas? Sarind Palin!” Yes, Sarah Palin is the special guest. And she’s going to hunt you. RUN!

You’ll be turned into the only couch with a boner in the Alaska office.

The special guest is…..some cute Jewish thirty year old pretending she’s in high school! YAY! The designers are all “uhhhh….hi.” Poor guys really thought Hitlery Clindon was gonna walk through that door. The girl is running for Student Council President, and needs to appeal to all the cliques to get their votes. Well good luck with that. I have a feeling most of the “cliques” would have the same general reaction to this toothy, go getter of a girl.

Reco tells us that he can relate to her, cuz he used to be Vice President of his thenior clath. In other words, he was the one who showed up at the pledge drive when the President couldn’t make it and told teleprompter jokes and asked guys in wheelchairs to stand up. But in a really gay way with a random part shaven into the middle of his head.

They all have an hour to design t-shirts that would win votes from different cliques. I hope Kenley gets the cholas at the smoker’s wall. And then I hope they hate it and spray Aqua Net in her eyes. The winner of this challenge receives IMMUNITY!! WTH? For designing a t-shirt? None of these people deserve to be saved. Yarn tells us that she really wants to win immunity. No shit! Don’t worry I’m sure you’re the only one who feels that way. Don’t worry about designing something decent. Whoever wants it the most will win! YAY SECRET!
The cliques they are designing for are determined by backpacks they pick off the back wall. Haven was a cheerleader in high school. My guess is that she was the top of the pyramid, cuz she seems to have fallen on her head a lot. Practice makes perfect! She picks the Skater bag. We know this cuz there’s a graffiti hat and a trapper keeper that says SKATER really big. Uh oh! I predict Haven will spray paint a shirt and call it a day.
Mexican Jay has a football in his bag. He looks at it like it’s an alien object. He pokes it, bites it, and finally sits on it. Haven tells him it’s a football and he squats it back out and shrugs. He has to appeal to the jocks. I’m sure he’s tried appealing to jocks before, but hopefully he won’t get beat up this time. Merlin gets a tiara, which he calls “a leedle crown”. Shockingly, it immediately goes on his head, right above his sarong/headband/skirt/shawl unit.

We have come a long way to 2009, but unfortunately there is still no midget pre-op clique for Merl to relate to. He is in charge of the Mean Girls. That’s a clique? I thought that was just a mild ass movie that put Tina Fey on the map and got Lohan addicted to meth. Whatever. I’m rolling with it. Merlin says “I went to dee high school, bud we deeden have dese kindo tings een my country. Nobody is playing a character to survife een da jungle life.” That was actually kinda deep, Merl. Wise little pre-op really summed up American high school life pretty damn well. There was only one clique in Merlin’s high school. The frightened priest clique.

Wednesday Addams picked the Nerd backpack but she doesn’t know anything about math, so the equation she puts on her shirt is pretty…well, wrong. Just wrong. At least she’s super creative, gluing numbers to a shirt for math nerds. Who else would have thought of that?

Fabric Cancer chose the B-Girl backpack, and since she grew up in the Midwest, she has no idea what a B-Girl is. She is flustered. As usual. Reco got drama, and gets so excited that he does a Norma Desmond pose. He decides to do something crazy original for his shirt. A frowny face/smiley face mask! Reco’s supposedly the best one on this show, and he’s a straight up hack. Frowny/smiley face? COME ON. Just put the reason everyone joins drama on the front of the shirt. A penis.
Kenley gets the Tree Hugger clique. Who the fuck is coming up with these cliques? Kenley thinks she has this one in the bag. I wish she would take that bag and put it over her stupid face. And I hope it’s a plastic bag. That gets stuck. She’s glued a bunch of felt tan colored leaves to a shirt and the phrase “Giuliana for President is the New Green.” That doesn’t make any kinda sense, but it’s nice to see someone rape the whole saving the Earth gimmick for yet another useless product. She says she wanted to put “Farm Animals Are Delicious” on the back of her shirt, then she laughs at her own stupid joke. Turn this moron into compost and grow a tree. That’s green.
Yarn chose the Goth back pack. She tells us that she had her angry at the world phase. That was in her thirties, right before she got eleven cats and learned how to knit, entering the “sad acceptance of a quiet apartment” phase. James Pole chose Prep, so he’s doing what he describes as “the Ralph Lauren look”.

Ralph Lauren is at home poking his eyes out right now.

Time is called and the shirts are put on a clothesline for the thirty year old running for student council to look over with Laura Brown. Those are some ugly ass shirts. Giuliani, the girl, seems to like Reco’s double t-shirt trim as well as Jame’s Poles glued on plastic crystals, and she calls Kenley’s glued on leaves “interesting.”

So do the producers of this show, apparently.

Fabric Cancer spray painted her shirt and glued on fabric musical notes (bwahahaha), and Wednesday Addams stole directly from the Obama playbook. Not only does she tout super fuzzy math, but she added “Yes we can!” to the front. I was wrong about Haven. She didn’t spray paint her shirt. She finger painted it and put a really bad picture of Kenley on the front.

Anyone who wears this will look like they have very low nipples that are trying to high five.

Haven thinks hers is not the best, not the most creative, but “the most clever.” Cuz she said get on board and there was a skate board. Oooooh! And you were a cheerleader? Giuliani “by far” liked Kenley’s nonsensical tree shirt the best. ARGH. WTF?!? Ah well, it’s highschool in 2009. That bs will probably make sense to the students who can actually read it . Yarn is super happy for Kenley.

“Kenley wins everything!” she pouts. Yes, and that’s a testament to just how much the rest of you blow. Kenley tells us that she didn’t need elimination cuz she’s not going anywhere anyway. And looking around at these dodo birds, I think she’s right. Even though I hate it.
EyeSack tells them that in high school, he didn’t really have a clique and just stood alone and judged everyone else. HAHA. Oh EyeSack. Now he’s practically a jock. Well, comparatively. The challenge will be to design a full outfit for a girl in the same clique that the designers chose for the mini challenge. Poor Fabric Cancer still doesn’t know what a B Girl is. I have a feeling she won’t be putting musical notes anywhere, though. MexiJay is stuck with a jock girl. Mom jeans and a wife beater. Done. Inexplicably, he chooses to do pants with fringe.

If Giuliani was trying to get MexiJay’s vote.

He is trying to figure out what the jock girl would be after high school and decides that she would work at Home Depot. LOL. Tax Haven is gonna make a hoodie. Hopefully she will finger paint it. Fabric Cancer finally just asks Reco what a B-Girl is, and takes the time to explain his shifty social life to us. He used to like Haven, MexiJay and Kenley, but now he likes her, Wednesday, Merlin and James Pole. Thanks for that. We were all dying to know.

Yeah you might wanna get to work.

Merlin is still bruised from being made fun of by EyeSack last week, and thinks that the same thing’s gonna happen this time. He’s afraid the whole world will be making fun of him. The guy in the Ugly Betty poncho and tiara on national television is worried about being made fun of. Wow. Grow a pair. Or if that’s too hard just get the biggest pair of clip ons you can find. It worked for Felicia Gallant’s confidence, and it will work for yours. “I know wha a means girls mean to me, wha I afraid is day specting da girl from da movie Mean Geerls”, which he only sat through fifteen minutes of. Yes, Merlin. They expect you to create a life size replica of Lindsay Lohan. Splatter spots on some popsicle sticks and give them a bloody nose. You’re welcome.
Merlin has trouble understanding what James Pole was assigned. Creepy? PeePee? James Pole says “like Lacoste” and Merlin says “oooh! Preppy!” LOL. He may have learned English from a JC Penny catalogue, but he learned it, dammit! James Pole tells us that this challenge is very important to him cuz he was picked on in school (you don’t say), which he went to in LA and London, thank you very much.
He gets all choked up and says that “nobody knew what I was trying to do and why I was doing it. I always got picked on cuz I wanted to do fashion, so this moment will show them why I wanted to do it.” WAAAHHHH. Ok first of all, still no one understands what you’re doing or why you’re doing it. And second, it might be easier to fall for your leaky ass Lifetime movie of the week bs if you hadn’t been such an egotistical sexist piece of shit last week when you had to work with “normal” people. And how is he proving that he’s meant to be a fashion designer to all those mean kids? He’s tying a sweater around his dress form. I totally want to put gum in his hair right now.

Oh, hon! Let me just put you in this locker and bang on it with a baseball bat til you feel better.

Reco is doing a costume from Rome, and bragging about how fast he is. I’ve never seen anyone suck that quickly!

Kenley is “not ok” with doing an outfit for a tree hugger. Or an average woman. Or anyone she’s assigned, actually. She’s only ok with winning stuff and dressing like Boy George a couple decades before he locked that boy hooker in his apartment. She doesn’t even know how tree huggers dress. She just knows they always look dirty. Hate her, but have to agree with her there. She doesn’t even try to think of something tree huggery, and just makes some really fugly poorly done pants instead. Yikes. I wouldn’t be showing off that stomach on the runway. That model has the biggest belly button I’ve ever seen.

She could hide a pack of Peanut M&M’s in that thing.

Kenley’s lucky she has immunity, cuz it’s not looking good for her. Merlin says he is breaking down, but he says it in that cartoony hands on cheeks “dios Mio!” kinda way, which means he’s ok. Time is called for the day, and Reco says it’s time for beauty sleep. “I sho need it!” Aw, don’t beat yourself up. How many people can honestly say that they are four times as hot as they were in high school?

Do you know these fools have to get out of bed at four am to do this shit? No wonder they all eventually go fucknuts right before our eyes. EyeSack and Not Beyonce come to check up on everyone’s progress, and since no one remembered even seeing Not B last week when they had to remember what dress she was wearing, she’s bright and sunshiny and totally noticeable today. In a black dress against a black door. Girl. And you wonder why you’re always in the back?

Arms and legs and a big face are coming at you. Brace yourselves.

They stop over at Merlin’s station first. Isaac says “so you’re in charge of Mean Girls?” in a way that suggests he doesn’t remember being a mean girl to Merlin last week and giving him the international symbol for asshole. Today he’s giving Merls the International fuck you middle finger.

Waid a meenoot!

Merlin is making a Mean Girl alright. She’s mean cuz she’s wearing too many goddamn clothes. She’s probably got boob sweat right now.

And den dere ees a cone hat and a pancho and skirt/rap ting!

Way to make the dress form look like she’s got saggy boobs even though she’s got the best boobs ever made cuz she’s a dress form.
The sweater opens up to reveal a blouse with all kinds of pink shit all over it. The neck is severe,but he could pull it off maybe if he didn’t try to decorate the dress form like a cake. I’ll bet Merlin makes some gorgeous cupcakes. That don’t taste good. EyeSack and Not Beoncye are like “uh…no.” Merlin is genuinely shocked. He says that he’s going for an LA girl. Not B’s face is rude.

What do you mean I’m singing the backup line?

Merlin looks like a sad lost little elf.

I wanna hug him and squeeze him and tell him it’s gonna be ok and just cuz he’s different doesn’t mean he can’t be loved and successful too. Kidding! I wanna make him cry.

Aw. Let me get you a cupcake.

They do not hide their feelings today. Hated it! Merlin sits next to his Bratz doll funeral costume and looks after them, crushed. Hug him or kick him?

I so wanna kickhug you right now.

Reco is next, and he’s in a light blue t-shirt with a pink t-shirt lining? Actual t-shirt? Please say he’s not working at making that t-shirt lining thing into a career. He’s turned his Rome dress into a miniskirt cocktail party number. He’ll drape, but he’s only drapin a ho. The dress is falling off the dress form, and EyeSack gets real persnickety with him. I guess they were told to be meaner this week. Or maybe they were told to just do something. Anything.
MexiJay is next, and EyeSack yabba dabba doo’s. HEHE. Then Not B does a Tony the Tiger impression. Come on guys. He’s been wearing that shirt every day for a month already and you’re just noticing now? I can smell that thing from here. MexiJay chose the Jock look, and he’s making “an updated ” version. By updated he means he added backpack straps to a pair of gym shorts from Target.

Not B acts like she’s solved a Father Dowling Mystery when she guesses that he’s never been to a football game. She and Eyesack snivel and make faces and generally act rude. I’m loving this new side! MexiJay? Not loving it. The judges are a bit nicer when they get to Fabric Cancer, but only cuz she got the B Girl clique and that means it’s time for Not B to grunt and make spirit fingers.

They seem to like the bright shiny ski vest, but think the pants are gonna be too big.

Spirit fingers and stank eye within ten seconds of each other? Not Beyonce! I never knew ye!

Yarn is worried for Fabric Cancer, cuz she had B girls in her class and they would never wear what Cancer is making. Not B and EyeSack go out in the hall to talk. They think MexiJay is starting to act like he doesn’t care. LOL. Starting? When has he made one good thing? Not B thinks Reco is making a maternity dress, and EyeSack thinks it looks like a nightgown. Pregnant women wear nightgowns, so there you go. EyeSack is really giving his all today. I think it’s stressing him out. Look at this face he makes.

He looks like he’s about to hand someone a poison apple.

EyeSack thinks Merlin is close to having something good, but he should keep the sleeves long. WHAT? You just totally dissed those sleeves and gave them a dirty look! That’s why he’s shortening them? So. Wrong.
Reco tells us that he thought he looked great in high school but looking back he knows he was “the foo.” LOL. Love him. How can you not? I can see him at eighty years old, being all energetic and bitchy and toothless. Aw!

MexiJay was a raver. A very skinny raver.

Honestly? Stay on drugs. They were good for you.

Tax Haven was “a cheerleader and the President.” Not Class President. The President. Read the shitty news lately? It kinda makes sense. She became a raging slut in her junior and senior years so she was no longer allowed to be a cheerleader or the President. And then the country crumbled.
Time to get to the show. Fern arrives and looks absolutely radiant and thrilled to be back.

Backstage, Fabric Cancer struggles and says she doesn’t know if she’ll make it (shocker) while MexiJay asks Haven’s opinion on the leggings with fringe running down the back that he made. She thinks he should just ditch them, but he says fuck it and decides to use them. Cuz he’s a rebel. And really really lacking in the taste department.

Missed a spot.

James Pole helps out Fabric Cancer, cuz she’s behind and unfinished and a general mess, which never ever happens five seconds before a show. As usual, Tom Colicchio the stage manager forces her work out while she’s still sewing it on to the model. It looks like James Pole left a giant needle sticking out of her jacket. Please don’t let that be the case. Fabric Cancer is kinda a flaky twit, but there are at least six people that deserve to get the can before her.

Let’s get this show on the road so we can get out of here and eat something.

Yarn is out first with Goth. LOL. I was thinking more along the lines of Ally Sheedy in Breakfast Club. She went for the girl in the Capri Cigarettes commercial.

Her model looks like a vampire, but that’s the only Goth on her. I have never ever seen a Goth chick in capri pants. Yarn talks about how proud she is of the jacket as the model takes it off.

Goth secretary.

This guy’s face says it all.

Reco made a teen pregnancy wedding dress for his Drama Club outfit. With a vest (?). It doesn’t work, cuz everyone knows girls in drama club don’t get laid. All the dudes are gay. When this girl is in labor you will know, cuz that skirt’s so short you’ll see her crowning.

I was ready to move on, but he’s made some cloth snail puppet thing for her boob. WTF?

The model opens the one button vest and backstage Reco goes “WOW!” at himself. HAHAHA. I love that he’s so impressed with his own ridiculous work. Poor model’s labia is hanging out and he’s backstage high fiving himself.
James Pole is out next with his Preppy Look. Wow. Khaki riding pants tucked into black tights with a black t-shirt under a three quarter uniform sweater. Is she wearing a mail bag? Wow. He really sucks. The sleeves are clut unevenly, the pants are way unflattering…why even keep typing? Just look at it.

Wait. There’s more. She turns around to go back up the runway. The pants/shorts are coming unpinned and flopping all over, and he’s added a plaid and a pink patch with felt cutouts that say LAI. With a saggy looking ass like that, the last thing this girl is getting is laid. Maybe that’s why the missing D.

Merlin’s work still has the clown cupcake collar, but he fit the sweater better and made a really well fitting, cute pair of jeans. It also helps that his model is smokin and looks like an actual woman instead of a child sold into white slavery, like most of the others. Not his best, but not his worst. Tacky as hell, but someone would wear it. It’s Mean Armenian Girls.

She takes off the sweater and it gets worse. I didn’t know there were that many shades of pink.

The model takes a giant mirror out of her purse and is supposed to blow a kiss at herself, but instead starts screaming, horrified, and runs off stage crying.

No! Nooooooo! I used to be goooooorgeous!

Haven pulled off her best work yet for her skater girl. Love the midriff sweater. I don’t know how skater-y it is, but it’s just nice not to see her completely bone it for a change.

Reco says that her detail wasn’t up to par with his garment’s. LOL. The only detail on your garment was sadness, and she’s got that. Just in a not sucky way. Wednesday Addams was assigned the Nerds. Get it? Her model is wearing glasses!! The shirt is sloppy and unfitted, and the dress could be cute if it was cut right. The hem is way uneven and the shirt is hanging out below the belt. Yikes. She’s making an effort to stand knock kneed, which is funny. Or is that just how she stands? I don’t know, but there is so much bad work today it’s hard to even tell just how hard this one blows.

MexiJay is up next with his hairy back legged jock look. This is what Charo would wear on a basketball break.

He’s done worse. This is at least interesting. Wait. She turns around and you can really see the flap things hanging off the side that make her look like a heifer. Man. Did they cast for this show or just comb the streets picking up freaky gays? MexiJay says he doesn’t design for Middle America. Because every chick in NYC is totally gonna be into this look. Idiot. Middle America doesn’t want your stank ass anyway. Keep your unwashed whiny greasy self in the urban areas, please. Reco says the model looks like a ho, and he doesn’t mean it as a compliment. Way to piss off your clientele, Reco!
Kenley made a Little Red Ridinghood cape over really poor pants that don’t fit her giant belly buttoned model at all. Yikes. If a tree saw this girl coming in for a hug, it would uproot itself and run the other way.

Tree Hugga in Da Hood

The audience literally groans when Fabric Cancer’s B Girl comes out. LOL. Come on it’s not that bad! The tight black pants look cute and the vest could be more hideous. Why is she wearing a yellow plaid scarf? I have no idea. The model is a little budget Hilton on a ski trip, but there has been way worse today.

The scarf and the hat killed this one. One of the audience members loved the jock look, but Barney Frank completely disagrees.

What the heww kinda jowk is dat? Thufferin thuckatash!

This crazy bitch liked the Drama look. Shocking.

Why, is that a pair of Danny Gokey lenses?

Some “real” fashion “expert” lady says she liked the Prep look cuz “it looks like something the cast of Gossip Girls would wear.” OK not the name of the show. You’re so young and hip. Judging time! The guest judge is some pouty chick named Charlotte.

Dang. Take a nap.

EyeSack says he was scared in the workroom but everything turned out better than they thought it would. There isn’t a flashback of him and Not B acting like total assholes earlier in the episode, but there should be.
The two top audience winners are Haven and Merlin!! WOW. The cupcake is in the top two!! That’s called scraping the bottom of the bottom’s barrel. Haven makes a sour face when Merlin’s is called. I’m sure you assumed that, but I still have to write it down. As he’s taking his seat, Reco loudly whispers “Haven up there! Come on!” Subtle.
Over 83% of the audience would buy Merlin’s outfit. Yikes. Not Beyonce loves the cupcake decoration neck, and EyeSack loved all the different pinks. Fern says the pants are mean, and EyeSack agrees and thinks Merlin has found his inner mean girl. Merlin giggles sweetly instead of telling him to fuck off and stop making him feel like crap just to get a couple lines in during workroom time.
Haven giggles, shocked, as she is complimented. They all love the tiny checker board print on the back of the pant…but Merlin wins!! I think his work kinda blew, but I like him so I’m glad he won. He says that he caught da look on Reco and Kenley’s faces and they were delicious and adorable. HAHAH.

Will a JPEG suffice?

I think Yarn has the best reaction, personally. Her jaw is literally hanging open. I don’t know if I have shared the pleasure of what Merlin is wearing right now. He looks like Rhea Perlman auditioning for a superhero part. About to swim laps.

The other designers are called to the stage, but Kenley gets to stay seated cuz she has immunity. BS! If they’re not gonna say anything to her about it, what was the point of even doing it? The judges have enough meat to rip apart without her. Eyesack tells them it didn’t look like they understood the cliques they were given, and Fern gently explains that the young uns inspire the fashion industry and they’re very fashion forward, these kids today!! Glad the fashion industry of 2009 is so different! Finally, youth is important in fashion! Next hopefully they’ll corner television and film.
Reco is giving the judges a look like “I dare you to call my name!” They don’t. MexiJay’s all sad when his poor little leg hair striped model comes out in her fancy jersey all slumped over like she just lost a game of Whoever Catches the Tab Gets to Drink It in the greenroom.

OK I had to rewind for something and got this shot. WTH is going on here?

Ooooh shit! You know Haven’s gonna bring that up the second she’s alone in the bathroom with Kenley.

Fabric Cancer Angel is in the bottom two with MexiJay. I have to take a sec to apologize for almost standing up for this one earlier. That outfit is way worse than it looked. Uneven Capri Pants/tights? WHY? WHYYYYYYY? Eyesack is disappointed and downright flabbergasted. At least I think that’s what he’s going for.

That shit’s so bad it blew his hair back.

Not B reads an audience member’s nasty review of Fabric Cancer’s work. “This designer, knows NOTHING. About hip hop style.And….I have to agree.” Oooooh. A designer that doesn’t know how to design hip hop? OH NO! How will hip hop fashion survive? Come on. Diss her for having shitty work, period. You don’t choose hip hop. Hip hop chooses you. Not B doesn’t stop there. She takes Fabric Cancer’s lack of hip hop cultural knowledge as a personal affront. You see, Not B is hip hop, ok? She may not B Beyonce, but she’s definitely also a quarter part Not Tina Turner or Not Mary J. Why, this lack of respect to hip hop is insulting. Um….WHO ARE YOU?

You bout to get toasted, white bread.

MexiJay and Wilma are pleased with the plight of hip hop.

Do you smell butt?
Nope. Nope everything smells normal.

Stupidly, Fabric cancer tries to backpedal. She is just some girl from the Midwest and has never met a B Girl. Not B gives her a dirty look. Fabric keeps on babbling on about having too much white in her, and Not B educates her on what a B Girl is. She listens to hip hop, she needs pants that she can move in,…that’s it. Wow. That’s quite a movement, those B Girls. Well said. Fabric’s like “huh? Wha? Hip wha?” Not B keeps on with how offended she is, and Fabric Cancer keeps on with her “huh? Der!”s. EyeSack says that they get MTV in India so they definitely had in in Indiana. Snapple. And true. Fabric thinks the uneven black pants are edgy, but guest judge no sleep says the model looks like a secretary with an itch. Dang. They really went after Cancer Angel.
They are no kinder to MexiJay. Ninety percent of the audience wouldn’t buy his weird sports thing and they had lots of nasty things to say about it, the worst being “No. No no no no no.” MexiJay doesn’t apologize, and says that he’s designing for that special ten percent who had something nice to say. No one said that there were nice things said, but his positive attitude is cute. Eyesack’s like WHUHUH? Who the hell doesn’t want to capture a giant share of the market?

Yabba dabba doodoo.

Reco, Haven and Kenley all roll their eyes real big while MexiJay talks. Because they’re super classy. Fern goes off about his work, but honestly what’s the point? It’s a fug mess. The end. This show should only be ten minutes long. The judges go off to talk in private, and basically MexiJay sucks but Fabric Cancer sucks and she’s boring. Gee, who’s going? F this. Let’s get back to the stage, where the drama inside Reco is starting to bubble and fester.
MexiJay knows he could very well go home, so he’s telling everyone that he doesn’t care and will be going home to an investor so whatevs. LOL. I am so sure. It may be a severe recession, but there’s someone dying to bring hammer pants to the masses. Thank you, mystery investor!! Who needs healthcare? GET ME HAMMER PANTS. Reco’s all offended, you see, cuz he takes this show VERY seriously and knows lots of queens who would give their right nut to be in his holey, smelly shoes. He gets up and flits off to get some air, saying “we got folks playing in my profession up here.” I don’t know what that means, but he has a pink t-shirt lining his blue t-shirt, so I know he’s very, very serious.
MexiJay takes the time Reco’s off hissing like a tea pot to tell Haven that he’s mad cuz Haven’s up there and he’s not. Haven, being a total moron, falls for it and gets super pissed. And she’s wearing Linda Evans today, so you know she’s dying for a smack down with Joan. Otherwise what’s the point? When Reco comes back lobbing gaynger everywhere, Haven confronts him. He tells her congrats in a super defensive way, and she says he sounds defensive so she doesn’t accept it. Then Kenley whispers to Haven something about there not being any sides, and Reco snaps and says he’s mad at Jay for not caring. Kenley applauds and says she likes his one man show, and he says that it’s only gonna be him and Kenley at the end anyway so just shut up for now and they’ll fight each other then. That was the sweetest thing he’s ever said to her. She doesn’t argue with him. Now he’s officially dissed everyone in the room. Well done!
So back to the important stuff. Well, that’s stretching it I know. What’s worse? Crazy suckage or boring suckage? Boring suckage! Fabric Cancer’s out!! That’s plain wrong, but she wasn’t good enough to warrant a defense paragraph, so let’s just let it go. Let’s face it. There were like one or two decent showings today, and they were pretty weak. Cancer Angel thanks the judges and cries to us, saying she’s gonna miss James Pole but not Kenley cuz that girl’s a mean bitch. Next week, Kenley and Reco team up!! YAAAYYYY!!!