FlipitTypes TV - Recaps, Gossip, and Trash Talk

Flipit: Hey guys! Welcome to the last night of BB. I can’t believe it’s over!
Fozzie: I know, but less than 3 months until Season 10 and it’s BOUND to be better. I’ve never been so annoyed by a single group of people. Well since I was at work Friday.
Schoonie: Bold words for someone who also recaps a show starring Teri Hatcher.
Flipit: I know I’m in the minority here, but I liked this season. I thought it was hellabetter than last. They did a good job of finding white trash yoyo’s with a loose grip on the English language, what more can you ask for?
Fozzie: There will never be another Amber. SO delusional and fun to hate.
Flipit: Oh man, Amber!!!! They should make a BB with just her. Follow that twit around and watch the world roll it’s eyes.
Fozzie: Lock her in a house with a blow dryer and a bag of Twinkies.
Flipit: And a kindergarten Bible. The kind that’s all pictures.
Fozzie: It’s starting now…..let’s go!
Booming Announcer Guy gives us a quick recap of the season, starting with Team Christ.
Flipit: Poor Nat. She was so sure Jesus died on the cross for her BB win. Sad.
Fozzie: No one ever got my Team Chris T. joke.
Flipit: We did.
Fozzie: See it’s Chris Tucker which is like ChrisT. Nobody got that. It’s funny! I’m funny!
Flipit and Schoonie, in tandem: WE GOT IT, FOZZ.
James gets evicted finally.
Flipit: James getting his arrogant hobo ass booted was one of the happiest days of this season for me.
Schoonie: See, today is the happiest day of the season for me.
Fozzie: Awww, I was so sad. I miss his wild hysterics while wearing Sheila’s panties. That was the highlight of the season for me.
And then Nat got the boot…

Fozzie: I love seeing Natalie cry.
Flipit: Nat’s face when she realized she was screwed was perfect. I am sure it’s the same face that she’s been making every day at Mattie in sequester
Fozzie: Matt is such a douchebag, but he owns it and accepts it so it’s cool.
Schoonie: See, I don’t think he realizes what a tool he is. He rolls up his pants! All the time!
And lastly, Sheila got evicted.
Flipit: I have been playing Sheila’s eviction interview over and over again. I just love that the answer to every question was “I’m a single moooooooom!” as she dry sobbed. Sheila is frickin hilary.
Fozzie: All that crying and not one single tear. She reminds me of Julie from Days of Our Lives. She does the cry voice and cry face but can’t squirt out a single tear because she’s dry as a desert inside.
Schoonie: I love that Julie just stared at her jealous like, “How I wish I could cry human tears.”
Flipit; Poor dry ass Sheila.
Schoonie: Can we not discuss Sheila’s wetness, please? It’s been a long weekend.
Uncomfortable silence
Schoonie: Yeah, I just went there.
….And then there were two.
Flipit: I am happy for Ryan and Moose but I was really happy I didn’t watch live feeds because I don’t think I could watch them spit and scratch their balls and yell bro for three or four days.
Fozzie: Straight guys just bother me in general. Schoonie, interrupting: Hey, I’m IN THE ROOM, you know. I bought the live feeds for 2 days and then realized it was nothing but Sheila crying, Ryan eating, and Natalie adjusting her boobs.
The bot says the season was titled “Til’ Death Do Us Part”, but it turned into “Bro Love”.
Fozzie: I really thought she was going to say Bros before hos.
Flipit: You know she was thinking it. She’s a wuss. Is she wearing a newspaper blouse? Come on Les, shell out for some Prada. It’s the end!
Fozzie: It’s snake skin and zebra combined. Like they skinned a boa right after it ate a zebra?
Schoonie: I am such a sucker for those jokes where a snake swallows something, like a horse, and then the snake has a giant horse shaped abdomen when you see it next. Extra points if the animal makes a noise while inside the snake.
Flipit: She’s wearing the funny pages as a top and the same pants she’s worn for a month. Get this bot to the shop…ping mall.
Julie announces that this year there will be a $25,000 prize awarded to America’s favorite juror.
Flipit: Favorite juror? How do you even choose among these yokels? I don’t remember this part. Do they have that every year?
Schoonie: Yeah, it’s called the ‘Janelle Prize’ usually.
Fozzie: I think they call it something different every season just so they can give it to anyone they want. “Favorite Asian Host” was pushing it.
Flipit: Poor Julie! Why shouldn’t she win something? And your favorite robotic trophy wife to the head of CBS is….drumroll…

The jurors gather at the sequester house and try to guess who the final evictee will be. Nat likes Moose and wants it to be Ryan because he screwed her over.
Fozzie: Not used to it happening metaphorically are you, Nat?
Flipit: Nat’s wearing more clothes than I have ever seen on her. She looks awkward. Get some stripper heels on. You’re on TV.
Josh says he likes Ryan. He knows Sheila won’t get to the end because “she can’t find her way out of a wet paper bag.” Everyone laughs.
Fozzie: We all know what you like about Ryan, Josh.
Flipit: I love that people laugh every time the gay guy says something even though it doesn’t make sense. “He’s gay. That must have been hilarious.”
Fozzie: It’s like watching UPN. People just laugh when somebody says “o hell nah,” or ‘O no you di’n't!”
Schoonie: Yeah, I know for a fact that gay guys usually aren’t that funny. I mean, look what I have to work with here. Oh, BURN!
Sheila walks in as Josh disses her and gives him a big hug.
Flipit: Her hearing has completely gone. Chelsia is so pissed off, but she would have been pissed off at anyone arriving at the house. Her bitterness is like a warm blanket to me.
Fozzie: Like the pox infected ones they gave the Indians. Chelsia hates anything and everything and is really bitter and sarcastic all the time. Has she ever considered writing for us?
Flipit: Good point. Maybe she would be more amusing in print. But I doubt it. She’s horrid.
Sheila gives everyone big fake hugs.
Flipit: Lemme guess. She’s gonna whine really loudly in a bad accent about how someone screwed her over. One trick ho.
Sheila whines in an annoying bad accent that Moose screwed her over.
Flipit: Gimme a break! He carried you like a bad gene!
Fozzie: And he did it because “he knew I would have all the votes” in the final two. Now I get it.
Schoonie: I love how she blames Adam for the fact that she got screwed over, like he’s personally responsible for her success. Here’s an idea: Win a fricking competition for once and take care of yourself, skank.
Flipit: I love how everyone’s silent after she says that. HAHAHAHA. No one would have voted for her stupid ass. Even though she’s a single mooooooom. Waaaah!
Flipit: She should stop dissing Moose and start kissing ass so he’ll feel bad and give her some money at the end. But as usual, she has no game.
Matty says that he’s gonna vote based on who won the most competitions.
Flipit: Yeah, that means Ryan, right? He definitely stayed by winning a lot. And looking somewhat doable.
Schoonie: I should hope that facial hair is an automatic disqualification. What is it with people wanting to bang Ryan? As I have previously stated, I do not understand.
Then Matty says that Moose, on the other hand, played with some serious smarts.
Flipit: Moose smart? Only on BB would he be called that.
Sheila says that Moose coulda won all of the competitions but he threw them all to not have to be the bad guy.
Flipit: Wow. Listening to this conversation, Moose should be on the front of a Wheaties box. Sheila’s full of crap.
Fozzie: Ryan was right though, he has a lot working against him. Jen, winning the prize, his constant gas, racism.
Flipit: Man, Sheila was ready to marry Moose when she thought he would carry her all the way to the end. Now she’s just being downright evil. I wish they would jump her and put a sock in her fat mouth.
Schoonie: For all her bitching, she is not very loyal to him.
Fozzie: Sheila loves you until things don’t go her way. She’s a very sore loser. I love when Moose was talking smack about Sheila before he realized that the Chenbot was showing the video from the house.
Flipit: HAHA yeah he screwed himself. Also when he gave that look to Ryan when Sharon was evicted. He has stayed through so many boner moves.
Fozzie: I would love to play poker with Moose.
Flipit: Moose’s last boner move was not promising Sheila a few thousand bucks to keep her mouth shut. She almost peed herself at the chance to go to a movie. She only wants enough money to not have to beg for a job at Hooters. She’s not asking for much.
Fozzie: Hehe, Cougar Hooters.
Flipit: Saggy Hooters
Fozzie: Drag’n Hooters.
Flipit: Golden Hooters.
Fozzie: Cocoon Hooters.
Flipit: Rumplestilskhooters.
Fozzie: Hoot….. no I’m out.
Schoonie looks stares at them from his side of the couch, horrified.
The jury keeps blathering on like they know everything.
Flipit: I love that the jury thinks they’re so smart about everything that went down in the game. Morons. YOU LOST!
Schoonie: Also, Big Brother is almost entirely chance. It’s not like Survivor where you make strategic moves and they guarantee you safety; because of the way HoH works, it’s pretty much a crapshoot when you go home.

Fozzie: I saw a bit of the live feeds where Chelsia, James and Josh had figured out EVERYTHING! Ryan was Sheila’s nephew and they were working together, and Matt and Natalie were secretly married and playing together. They were SO sure. I love when people think they’re smart but are really sadly, deeply stupid.

Flipit: I love that they thought someone would marry a Bible thumping bikini barista with really bad implants. Der.

Shots of the studio audience.

Fozzie: Janele!

Flipit: She’s got a sign for Ryan. HAHA I love her. You know she just wants to bone him. Minx!

Schoonie: Janelle and I are not on speaking terms after the All-Stars season, when she was pretty much directly responsible for the Mike Boogie win.

Flipit: Dick is sitting in his Backstreet Boys pose even in the audience. What a douchebag. I wonder if he’s gonna party with Barry later. And did Dicklet get a job cocktailing at Caesar’s Palace? She spent her entire fifty grand on a tanning bed membership and a really hideous weave.

Schoonie: Remember at the beginning of last season, when we all felt sorry for Daniele for being saddled with Dick, and then as the season progressed she became more and more hideous until we could not stand either of them? Aah, good times.

Fozzie: See? Sadly, deeply stupid.

Flipit: And I will watch until it’s cancelled. Just for that reason.

The jury questions Ryan and Moose.

Flipit: Adam’s gonna hyperventilate.

Fozzie: The coke’s not helping.

Matt asks Moose what he’s gonna do if he wins the money.

Flipit: Take the retahds to Fantastic Sam’s so I don’t gotta cut they hay no mo.

Moose says he will start an after school program to help kids with a hundred grand and buy himself a car for fun. Maybe he’ll start a business….

Flipit: His business: Tasty baby food.

…But he’s on this show to help the kids.

Flipit: And then violins play and Janelle scratches out Ryan’s picture on her sign. Good answer, Moose.

Fozzie: I didn’t understand a word of it.

Matty asks Ryan the same question, and Ryan says he’s gonna give some money to his mom…

Flipit: Sheila likes that answer. She’s hoping her own son will get on BB and win so she won’t have to go back to Guccione and beg for a handout.

Schoonie: Wow, a Guccione reference. Dude, we just gave him shit for Chris Tucker.

Fozzie: Momma’s boy!

Schoonie: Wait, what did you call me?

…and then he says he is going to spend a lot of it on Jen and maybe “put some of it towards a charity”. Then Chelsia does this:

Classy to the end.

Fozzie: Ewww, do NOT mention Jen. That won’t win you any votes, Rye Bread.

Flipit: Jen? Dumb move. He can’t even think of one single charity. Come on! Say you’re gonna help cancer victims! Or build a school in Africa! Or learn proper English! Or buy a real jawline! COME ON!

Fozzie: Say you’re gonna cure puppy cancer.

Schoonie: Or feline AIDS, which is a growing problem.

Flipit: He just totally screwed himself.

Sharon asks Ryan why he toyed with her.

Flipit: There’s that eye roll! I’ve missed it!

Fozzie: Ryan’s backpeddling hard.

Flipit: He’s telling the truth, but he’s all red in the face and he can’t speak so he sounds like he’s lying. He did it because Adam convinced him to! Just say it! Kids: study words. You might need them some day.

Chelsia angrily asks why she should give Ryan money to spend on a woman who called him out on national TV for being a “hatred person”.

Schoonie: “Hatred Person”? Seriously? Someone hasn’t been studying her flash cards.

Flipit: Chelsia’s such an asshole. What is she even talking about?

Fozzie: She’s all hate and bad hair.

Flipit: Just answer with the truth, Ryan. “I was mad at Jen but she’s the hottest I can get. I know she’s not a homeless guy on a bike, but hey we all gotta love someone.”

Schoonie: That would have been awesome. Too bad that’s too many words for Ryan to put together at the same time.

Fozzie: Ryan sucks at this. He needs to distance himself from Jen the way Obama wouldn’t let Dog the Bounty Hunter endorse him.

Flipit: LOL beautiful analogy.

Josh asks Moose why he should win when he threw so many competitions.

Flipit: I thought he only threw one. Wow. Moose can talk his way out of anything. He’s like a giant weird character on Boston Legal. And why does he keep saying BB is well balanced? I don’t know what the hell is coming out of his mouth but he cracks me up.

Josh gets offended that Moose is yelling at the TV and says he wants some respect.

Flipit: That’s just how he talks, Josh. It’s not his fault. And if you want respect you shouldn’t be such a hateful backstabbing misogynist cokehead a-hole with a faux hawk, umkay?

Schoonie: I love that Josh is telling people to calm down, like he wasn’t the most roided out gay in the history of the show.

Fozzie: Josh is a big strong man talking to a dude on a TV. He would never take that tone in person or he’d get beat up.

James asks Moose why he deserves to be in the final two over Sheila.

Flipit: Uh…cuz Sheila didn’t do anything ever?

Moose answers that he turned Sheila’s negativity into positivity.

Flipit: James is like “what’s positivity?”

Fozzie: It’s what your free clinic tests will look like in a couple months, James.

Schoonie: Good one! (High fives)

Flipit: Josh wants respect! LOL what a dumb queen. Maybe you shouldn’t be a cokehead whore bottom then, A-hole.

Nat starts squeaking and we all turn down our TVs.

Schoonie: OH. MY. GOD. I hate her so much.

Flipit: Gawd. It’s like she’s addressing a kindergarten class. Shut up!!

Fozzie: Ugh. Natalie is fine until she talks. Or is visible.

Schoonie: Or exists within my sphere of awareness.

She asks Moose why he lied to her about taking her to the final three.

Flipit: Because no one could stand to listen to you any more.

Fozzie: Because it’s BB idiot.

Moose says that he respected the HOH’s decision and that people were plotting her against him. Sheila mutters “go ahead. Throw me under the bus.” He doesn’t.

Schoonie: Sheila, that bus ran you over. You’re not in the game anymore.

Flipit: HAHAH Sheila just gave herself away for no reason. Man is there no limit to her stupidity?

Nat asks Ryan why he didn’t keep his word to her.

Flipit: Why isn’t she asking Ryan where his real jawline is instead of wasting everyone’s time with a lame question?

Fozzie: Ryan’s lisssp is crazy. I think he does the voice of the nerd that’s in love with Meg on Family Guy.

Schoonie: A tenuous grasp on the English language does not help things.

Sheila’s up next and starts grilling Adam about not taking her to the end.

Flipit: Did you take out the trash, mister? You’re not leaving this house to play with your little freeiends until you do your chores! I’m a single moooooom!

She says that she carried him, too.

Schoonie: I love how she speaks in generalizations all the time. I guarantee if he asked her to come up with a specific instance in which she carried him, she could not.

Flipit: Please. You can’t even carry your own weight. Shut up already. We’ve only got an hour here!

Fozzie: Sheila can’t win or do anything. “I’m going to hold on to this rope as long as it takes to provide for my son and give him a better li….Nah I’m tired.”

Please woman! Stop your bitching!!!

Sheila keeps insisting that she played a smart game.

Flipit: The jury’s like …crickets.

Moose insists that he didn’t throw the last competition and he doesn’t care what the jury thinks. Josh rolls his head and asks “really!?”

Flipit: God I hate Josh so goddamn much.

Fozzie: This is the most power Josh will ever have in his life. He’s standing tall now but he’ll be back on his knees in front of a glory hole tomorrow.

Flipit: Someone should hit Chelsia on the back so her face sticks like that.

Fozzie: She normally has the face of an angry old lady who just tasted sour cottage cheese.

Schoonie: I actually think she’s kind of pretty. And with such a winning personality!

Closing arguments. Ryan says that he’s played a good game and he’s never said anything bad about anyone to “furthest myself”.

Flipit: OY. My three year old niece speaks better English.

Moose says a bunch of stuff that doesn’t make sense and then ends with “This game hasn’t been easy and it’s over for you guys but it’s not over for us.”

Flipit: Wow. What a horrible ending. He could have blown it for himself. Matty looks as confused as I do.

Fozzie: Must be hard having all that Red Sox trivia and bukakke porn bouncing around in his head

Schoonie: It’s not like any of this matters anyway. They’re all going to vote how they like.

The jury discusses their votes.

Flipit: Josh thinks someone is cocky? HA. There is only room for one cocky arrogant ass. And it’s Josh. I like how he rolls his head like he’s on Ricky Lake. Chelsia does it to.

Fozzie: Josh wants to be a big, black woman so bad. But of course every gay man does.

Schoonie: Wait, is that true? Because I’m straight, and I kind of want to be a big black woman.

Flipit: Not me! Just cuz I sing “And I Am Telling You” every morning in the shower and say “oh hayell no!” a lot doesn’t mean I wan….wait. Yes I do. I totally do.

Flipit: Ryan knows he has a chance now cuz Baller has no pr skills.

Fozzie: Or a job now. That’ll be a shock once he gets out.

Schoonie: I wonder if they will accept his donation? He doesn’t know he got fired, so they’ll look like hypocrites if they take it.

Flipit: What does he care? He might be riiiich!

Fozzie: They should have left the camera on right after all the questions so Moose could speak freely and fuck himself again.

Flipit: HAHA he is really bad at that.

One by one, the jury is introduce to the live audience and brought to the stage.

Flipit: Glad to see Chelsia decided to dress like less of a whore tonight. Not. If she had a penis it would be hanging out.

Schoonie: I actually think she looks kind of hot there. Her gross back tattoo is the only problem.

Fozzie: Wait, hold up. “If?”

Flipit: She makes Nat look like a nun.

Fozzie: Awww, James. I don’t care I think he’s cute even when he’s wearing Laura Petrie pants.

Flipit: Who got Sharon pregnant?

Fozzie: Dare I say Sheila looks kinda hot? Well, there. I did say it.

Schoonie: I think she looked hotter in the house. Too tan here.

Flipit: Sheila does look good. Too bad about her personality.

Fozzie: This is the best diet she’s ever been on.

Schoonie: She does look good. When your diet is unjust rage and tears, you tend to lose weight.

Flipit: The slop diet is a miracle diet. Bob Guccione is gonna put all the pets on it now.

Fozzie: Hef would do the same if he were lucid enough to know what’s going on.

Flipit: Coke and dexatrim diet. Why doesn’t that get any press? It seems like the best one out there.

Fozzie: It does. It’s just called Atkins now.

Schoonie: I’m…so alarmed. Did you guys use all your Weight Watchers points before noon today or something?

Flipit: If she had slop in the late eighties she wouldn’ta been kicked out of the mansion to fend for herself.

Fozzie: I think the late 80s consisted of nothing but coke and dexitrim for her. It was most likely her personality that got her kicked out.

Schoonie: Does Penthouse have a mansion? I should probably know that, as the only straight on the couch. What, you guys don’t like magazines full of naked porn star?

Flipit: Imagine that. Speaking of diets, why are there like three Wendy’s commercials every break?!?
Baconater? That is so wrong. I want one NOW.

Fozzie: I was talking about Sheila, not Wendy.

Schoonie: Although, it’s kind of sad that we haven’t been calling Natalie ‘The Baconator’ this whole time.

Flipit: Yeah Wendy was kicked out of the house because she backtalked Dave. Three Wendy’s commercials in a row. Oh, this has nothing to do with anything, but I just found three grapes I dropped on the ground two weeks ago and they have turned into raisins.

Flipit: Hello? You guys?

Schoonie: Maybe you should buy a broom, yo. Also, do not tell me whether you ate them or not, because I don’t want to know the answer. Wait, I already do.

Back from break. The bot asks Ryan and Moose if they can hear her.

Flipit: Yes they hear you. They just don’t wanna overtalk you so you don’t short circuit again.

Fozzie: They know that if they speak out of line again they’ll get the hose.

The jury gets to say one more thing and put their key in the slot.

Flipit: Nat can’t walk in her stripper shoes.

Fozzie: You’d think wearing them since she was 12 would have helped.

Schoonie: Natalie looks terrible. Too color coordinated!

Flipit: Uh oh Josh! you are about to make your last big power move until you are back to Austin gay bar obscurity. Make a scene!

Fozzie: Ya! Whip it out and….O, forgot who we were talking about.

Flipit: Call someone an ugly horse face with a dead dad!

Fozzie: They’re boys. He can’t do that to a man.

Flipit: Oh yeah. Josh hasn’t lost an ounce. Guess Jesus didn’t listen to that prayer in the hot tub.

Schoonie: How come nobody’s mentioned ‘Praying to lose weight’ as a viable diet? Oh, wait.

Flipit: Sharon is dressed like Mrs Roeper.

Fozzie: “Stanley, I need some deep dickin’ Stanley.”

Sharon says she is voting for the most loyal.

Flipit: So not Ryan then?

Sheila’s next.

Flipit: Sheila’s final monologue: “I hope you remember that I’m a single moooooooommmm!”

Fozzie: Sheila carries a grudge. She still hasn’t forgiven 3 of the members of White Snake for cumming in her eye.

Flipit: Gross, Fozz! She can’t even figure out how to get a key out of the bag.

Fozzie: It burrrrrnnnnnsss

Flipit: Stooop!

Commercials.

Flipit: Another Wendy’s commercial? Come on! I’m dyin here! And now some depressing commercial about war or something. Oh this live feed we’re watching is coming from Canada. Death and despair and dying old people. Nice work Canada. I totally wanna join your army now. Jeeze. Talk it up a little.

Back from commercial.

Flipit: Some sad woman in the audience has a sign that says marry me James. Ew

Schoonie: I will say that James is the least odious person on the show, even though he is still totally terrible. If you had this very, very small pool of people from which to select a spouse, James wouldn’t be a terrible choice.

Fozzie: That’s me.

Flipit: Gross. Be careful what you wish for. Your bed will smell like old dried pee and rotten canned green beans.

Fozzie: You and I definitely have different taste in men cause I find that hot.

Schoonie: I’m…Jesus, I’m STILL HERE! What is with this?

Flipit: Sick. Change of subject. Just be sure to get a prenup cuz you know he’s never getting a job.

Now that the votes are in, the jury gets to hear from the other evictees.

Flipit: Amanda! Bueno!

Fozzie: I miss that crazy horse-faced bitch.

Schoonie: Her hair, so alarming.

Flipit: I am still mad that she was evicted. I miss her bimbo ass too. I didn’t even have time to make “NO BUENO” t-shirts.

Fozzie: I hope Jake has taken this time to come out of the closet.

Flipit: Jake? Alex you mean? He is waiting for his boy Matty.

Fozzie: Yea, him too. But Jake was such a queer. I always think any high talker is gay.

Flipit: Who’s Jake?

Fozzie: Jake. Jeff. John. Joe. Sharon’s ex.

Flipit: Oooooh! Man bangs. Jacob!

Fozzie: Jiggly? Johan? Jebidiah?

Flipit: I hope Jacob comes out of the closet so we can see Sharon ROLL HER EYES. Her dad would definitely have an interesting story for all his friends at Wal Mart.

Schoonie: Why isn’t Sharon’s dad in the audience?

Fozzie: Sharon’s dad reminds me of the dad from Girls Just Want to Have Fun. Just sitting around polishing his army medals and not letting his daughter dance on a TV show.

Flipit: But hotter.

The bot asks Nat some questions….

Fozzie: Oh no.

Flipit: Matty questions! Don’t break her heart on TV! The bot’s like “before you realize how sad and pathetic you were, let’s let Matty tell you you’re a psycho whore himself.”

Fozzie: I wish they had shown her clips of him being mean. I love watching dreams crumble.

Schoonie: Except even Natalie must know by now that she is destined for some poor man with negligible intelligence and a low frequency range of hearing.

Nat says that Matty didn’t treat her well but karma took care of him.

Flipit: Karma, and really bad game play.

Fozzie: And Ye Olde Douchebaggery. She does realize she’s sitting there too, right?

Schoonie: I love how she still believes in karma and Big Brother even though all evidence suggests otherwise. All hail Evel Dick, the most deserving winner! Mike Boogie, whose charitable donations and time spent in Darfur virtually guaranteed him the win!

The bot asks Jen if she has hard feelings toward Allison and basically, yes.

Flipit: Jen is still a loudmouth crazy eyed biatch.

Schoonie: I want other Jen back. You know she’s dating Nick now? They totally should have put them in the audience, possibly one row behind Dick and Daniele.

Allison is much nicer and level headed about it, but in a creepy way.

Fozzie: Allison looks like somebody used the warp tool from Photoshop on her face.

Flipit: She looks like she’s wearing Matty’s teeth.

Schoonie: I think Jen looks more alarming. Just, so harsh.

Flipit: Allison’s just being nice because she wants to ask Ryan to help her pay off her gambling debt.

Fozzie: And that Carly Simon dental work she’s had her eye on.

ChenChen shows the clip of Moose lying to Ryan about telling Nat that he voted for her.

Flipit: Shocker, Moose lied. Moose doesn’t seem to get what’s going on at all.

Fozzie: He’s like yeah that day was sad.

Flipit: Ryan has a bad habit of trusting people who screw him.

Fozzie: And Moose has a bad habit of trying to help retards a la Josh.

Clip of Moose falling for Josh’s crying act.

Flipit: The Chen says he should get an Emmy? You are equally as deserving of an Emmy as Josh, bot. I will leave it at that.

Schoonie: I would also like to nominate the entire cast of According to Jim.

The bot says the vote is still open for our favorite juror.

Flipit: I can still vote! I’m going to right now!

Fozzie: If you think I didn’t just vote, you’re crazy. Way ahead of ya.

Flipit: I just did too! Who’d you vote for?

Fozzie: Hobo James.

Flipit: JAMES? HOBO HANK????

Fozzie: See you and I could be girlfriends because we have very different tastes. I think James is adorable. He’s just enough of a loser to be a new summer rehab project for me.

Flipit: Hobo Hank is despicable. Every time he comes on screen I smell unbathed homeless people who want my quarters.

Schoonie: Sharon is the least objectionable! Sharon FTW!

Flipit: I voted for Nat. She might start a Church of Christ: Bikini

Schoonie: What, no Chris B joke here?

Fozzie: I despise her.

Flipit: My dream is to visit the bikini barista coffee shop.

Fozzie: We should make a pilgrimage. It will be our personal Graceland. We could document it for TVgasm.

Flipit: I’m down! We should put a paypal link at the bottom of the blog so people can donate hahahaha. We will make like three dollars.

Flipit: OK we’re at the end! Who’s gonna win? I guess Ryan.

Fozzie: I guess Moose.

Schoonie: Going to have to go with Adam, only because I hate Ryan to an alarming degree.

Moose wins by a landslide. Only Josh voted for Ryan.

Congrats, retahds! Now you will have an after school program!

Flipit: I was wrong! As usual. I thought Carly was gonna win American Idol. Shoulda taken Sheila, Ryan!

Fozzie: Josh is smart, he just voted by hotness. YAY!!!!! I mean, I DON’T CARE!

Flipit: Is it over?

Schoonie: Almost! My feelings are tired after this season.

Fozzie: Just a lot of cheering and Natalie’s ass running down the aisle.

Fozzie: Moose was confused by the doorknob.

Flipit: LET ME OUT!!!! Hahaha. And now, more Wendy’s commercials before we find out who gets twenty five grand. Wendys shelled out some serious cash for this show. People addicted to bacon love BB.

Schoonie: Yeah, I actually bet that Venn Diagram has a large intersecting area.

Flipit: It’s only half an hour?

Fozzie: No, it’s been an hour. Only 7 minutes until 9 EST

Flipit: Wow! Time flies when you’re being evil to people you don’t know. Just ordered pizza.

Fozzie: Not going out for Wendy’s?

Flipit: Too lazy. This live blog has exhausted me. Wendy’s doesn’t deliver.

Back from break.

Fozzie: Wow Jen’s boobs are glorious.

Flipit: Moose is giving money to the United autism foundation? awwwwwwwwwwwwwww. They will still take it even though they denounce him for calling the kids retahds. Greedy autistics!

Fozzie: And now for the favorite jury member….

Flipit: Sheila came in second! LOLOLLLL.

Schoonie: I love that Chenbot broke Sheila’s heart. Pretty much exactly the note that Sheila deserves to go out on.

Fozzie: James! YES!

Flipit: But Hobo Hank! Sheila’s a single mooooooooom!!!

Fozzie: My vote finally counted. I’ve been stuck with that loser Nader for years and things are finally starting to go my way.

Flipit: You heard it here first, Hobo Hank lovers vote for Nader. That explains a lot! I blame Bush on you, Hobo Hank lovers! You know what the best part of this ending is?

Fozzie: It’s over?

Flipit: Jacob fixed his bangs!

Gasmii, thanks so much for being with us through another season! We will see you back here on July 13th for another round! LOVE