Live Blog: Big Brother: Everybody Clap (EW) For The Houseguests!

by Schoonie and Flipit

Whatup fools, it’s Flip and Schoon! Since we are teaming up to recap the show this year, we thought it might be cool to have a bonding session and liveblog the premiere for you. Spelling and punctuation are pretty bad, but hey, you didn’t come here for English class! We’re here for the brand new start of our favorite show!

Welcome to Season 8 of dumdumdum…..Big Brother!!

Flipit and Schoonie begin their IM session.

Flipit75 (7:06:16 PM): Ok, I am going to have to make my mom move her buns out of the living room. Visiting TX and all hell is about to break loose.
SchoonieR (7:06:35 PM): Okay, we should totally start from the top because I already hate like three people.
Flipit75 (7:06:28 PM): Ok cool, give me a sec.
Flipit75 (7:13:34 PM): My mom has to miss her law and order repeat for BB and she’s losing it.
Flipit75 (7:16:03 PM): K. Got jelly bellies. Let’s do this, mom wants her L and O back.
SchoonieR (7:20:35 PM): For real.

Cameras careen around the house. Flipit and Schoonie contract vertigo.

S (7:17:06 PM): Is it just me or are there like a million chessboards everywhere?
F (7:17:20 PM): Yeah. It’s like symbolism, dude.
S (7:17:21 PM): I don’t get it. Is chess, like, strategic or something?
F (7:17:38 PM): Get a scrabble board. I’d respect you more.

The houseguests make their first appearances.

F (7:17:23 PM): Why aren’t there hotter people on this show?
S (7:21:36 PM): I do enjoy the pink bikini on Daniele, however.

Julie Chen makes her first appearance. Hi, Julie, and Julie’s collarbone!

S (7:21:54 PM): The Chen is Chenorexic.
S (7:22:00 PM): Seriously, look at her.
F (7:22:17 PM): Julie Chen needs a sandwich. She looks like a bony bony bot.
S (7:22:16 PM): Someone needs to get her some soilent green or whatever the fuck she eats.
F (7:22:25 PM): Her wiring is showing. Check out that neckpiece.
S (7:22:30 PM): Remove the princess Leia collar from around your neck. Your rival, Jabba the Hut-bot is in the house, Julie! Watch out!

The rivalries are revealed.

S (7:21:42 PM): Only three sets of rivals? What a rip!
F (7:22:51 PM): Ew! Dirty Dick has a daughter???

Jessica makes her first appearance.

S (7:22:39 PM): I HATE JESSICA, like immediately. And seriously, how fake are these intros?
F (7:23:05 PM): I know! How were they all so shocked when they received their keys? Didn’t they notice the camera crews following them?

Nick shows up. Flipit drools.

S (7:22:54 PM): Dude, he fished his key out of the WATER. But he did say ‘It’s on and popping’ which gets points from me. I’m all in favor of dorky slang.
F (7:22:28 PM): I take it back about no hot people. You use your body as bait, and this fat fish is chomping. I take the bait, Nick!!

Jen appears.

S (7:23:22 PM): Jen’s kind of hot, too. Hot girls this year!
S (7:23:26 PM): I’m not complaining about the girls, yo.
F (7:23:40 PM): Jen’s a ho. You can tell.
S (7:23:48 PM): Apparently, she knows Chill Town.

There is talk about the twist throwing the players off balance. “They won’t know what hit them!”

F (7:24:04 PM): Ugh. Dick. The house will know what hit them when they get to the doctor after taping. Ghonorrhea!

(Schoonie: Seriously people, he said this, IN ADVANCE. Swear to God and Dreamz and everything. He’s magic and shit. Notify the authorities!)

Mike shows up, painting the camera. Well, that’s ruined. Now the Chenbot will have to incubate another one in her belly and lay it and everything now, much like an egg.

S (7:24:00 PM): Are you supposed to wear all white when you paint? That seems…antithetical.
F (7:24:16 PM): Good for bleach. Oooh, Mike’s much hotter with no shirt on.

Kail makes her first appearance, in front of the sign.

S (7:24:18 PM): Kail is sort of dorky.
F (7:24:46 PM): Kail scares the hell out of me. Her wack hick family runs that town? I am so sure. “I have to bring my Bible” ??? You will be the most popular housemate. Who doesn’t love an uptight mom who carries around a Bible?

Joe receives his key in his salon.

S (7:24:31 PM): Does Joe work in a Mexican Restaurant slash hair salon? That’s what it looks like. I’d like a perm, and also an enchilada combo. No mas!

F (7:24:55 PM): Joe says he’s gonna blow the competition. I believe him.

Amber makes her first appearance, her kid’s smile all up in her grill.

S (7:25:58 PM): ‘Hi, I’m Amber, and I need to put pants on’.
F (7:25:50 PM): I love you, but not enough not to leave you to win some money, you little brats.

Now that we’ve met all the houseguests, Julie welcomes them to the house.

S (7:27:30 PM): Nick’s hair…is wrong.
F (7:27:55 PM): No one says hi to Julie! What the hell? How rude!
F (7:28:06 PM): I like how she pauses and they never say hi. Poor bot.
S (7:28:05 PM): Are they too cool for Julie Chen? And they’re looking around like they have ADD or something.

The first group of housemates enter the house. They gotta put their bags on the bed to claim a spot.

F (7:28:38 PM): Ooh, bag on the bed. BEDMATES?
F (7:28:56 PM): I rented a room in an apartment like that once, I was horrified.
S (7:28:56 PM): I…that’s too much info, already.
F (7:29:02 PM): Hey Mike, Ross called from 1999. He wants his hair back.
S (7:29:03 PM): Also: eyebrows.

The second group goes in, which includes Jameka, Zack, and Nick.

S (7:29:24 PM): Julie Chen is yelling Jameka’s name. She loves saying it, she’s like, “JAMEKA!” It pleases the robot palette to speak such a name. The Chen shall be friends with Jameka.
F (7:29:46 PM): Woah, Nick. Pomade helmet.
S (7:29:46 PM): He sounds just like Jase…that’s not good.
S (7:30:47 PM): And Zack’s shirt is Regis shiny.

Flip and Schoon survey the house.

F (7:30:04 PM): What’s that purple about? Even Monica Gellar painted over that color by now. Sorry. I am obsessed with Friends today.
S (7:30:00 PM): I know…and the big magnifying glass.

We see the tiny beds for the first time.

F (7:26:46 PM): Good! No more room! I want the mom to sleep on her Bible.
S (7:31:07 PM): There’s definitely going to be a head bumping montage through that door later.
F (7:31:00 PM): Ahhhhh I see, it’s like Alice in Wonderland!
S (7:31:31 PM): Congrats, Flip: Joe just said the exact same thing.
F (7;31;40 PM): I’m smart like that. Show me a billboard, I’ll tell you what it says.

Eric talks about how short he is compared to the other men.

F (7:27:21 PM): I’m only five seven! But my mouth is ginormous!
S (7:27:23 PM): Also my beak!

Jen talks about the other guys in the house.

F (7:27:46 PM): Ha Jen thinks the guys are almost hot. That is so perfect and true!
S (7:31:47 PM): Why, because she’s almost hot?
F (7:31:49 PM): Dunno. Can’t see past her rack.

The housemates get to know each other.

F (7:28:13 PM): Amber must look way better in a casino. The lights are too bright here for her face. Amber’s inspiration for being a backstabber is her daughter? Um…sweet.
S (7:32:30 PM): Daniele lied about her age! I would too, if I couldn’t drink.

Jen talks about how she does a hundred different jobs. Which translates to: she is a waitress at Les Deux.

S (7:32:49 PM): She doesn’t know what she does?
S (7:32:53 PM): Hint: it’s Mike Boogie.
F (7:33:18 PM): The girls want to kill her. So do I. If she had a penis it would be hanging out of those shorts.

Kail lies about what she does. She calls herself a real estate agent instead of a ‘multi-business owner’.

S (7:33:35 PM): Kail is, like, the Mister Burns of her town?
F (7:33:40 PM): That town looks like it only has a windmill in it. Big woop. Shut it, lady.

People jabber about themselves and don’t really say much of substance.

S (7:34:12 PM): I love how none of these people have real jobs and can’t say what they do.
S (7:34:46 PM): Joe looks manorexic.
F (7:31:09 PM): Jameka needs to get over her white discomfort. It’s rude. And she needs to be on top of her weave. You’re on TV, girl!!
S (7:35:10 PM): All these white people! Don’t worry, they alarm me too.

Julie talks about how the rivals are already hidden in the house.

F (7:35:24 PM): Ruh roh. Three people hiding in the bunny bush.
S (7:35:25 PM): Okay, that’s hilarious. All dramatic: S (7:35:29 PM): WHERE ARE THEY? I love this show.

Pic of Dr. Will. He’s back AGAIN? Nope. Julie tells us this season we will get to be Dr. Will. Aw! She got the nation’s hopes up for nothing.

F (7:35:40 PM): I get to be Dr. Will? Now that’s a prize!!
S (7:36:05 PM): Seriously, is he a vampire now? What’s with that picture?

Commercials.

F (7:32:28 PM): Dr. Will is so cute. And evil!
S (7:33:47 PM): And apparently, a creature of the night. See also: the picture.
F (7:33:13 PM): I like his Botox obsession.
S (7:33:15 PM): And why mention him? You’ll just get peoples hopes up.
F (7:33:38 PM): Don’t people hate him?
S (7:33:33 PM): Most people think he’s awesome. I think he rules.
F (7:34:03 PM): He’s so cute and smart and bitchy.
S (7:34:51 PM): He deserved to win last year.
F (7:35:11 PM): I AGREE.
S (7:35:01 PM): He was better the first time, but he was awesome last year, too.
F (7:35:42 PM): But the other contestants would have had to be insanely stupid to let him win. They figured at some point they could get rid of him and they did.
S (7:36:39 PM): I know, but I didn’t think he would get as far as he did! I kept going ‘How is he around’? Ooh, it’s back on!

After the random Dr. Will discussion during the commercials, new, Nicole Richie sized Chen returns. She reveals the three rivals stashed in the HOH room.

S (7:39:14 PM): Okay, back to Chenorexic. The other three people are in the HOH! That’s awesome.
F (7:39:21 PM): Dick looks like Chlamydia.
S (7:40:11 PM): He does look sort of sickly.
F (7:40:46 PM): Sorta? He looks like a used condom.
S (7:40:41 PM): They must have photoshopped Dustin’s chest hair out of the other photo. Seriously: undershirts.
F (7:40:08 PM): Or maybe he grew it back. I’m glad he can. Is he Joe’s ex?
S (7:41:01 PM): Yes
F (7:41:28 PM): OMG that’s DRAMA!!!! I can’t believe those two were together!

Julie shows the rivals the other houseguests. The camera pans over Joe, whose shirt is wide open, of fucking course.

F (7:41:48 PM): Dustin says Joe has GIGANITC NIPPLES!!! HAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!1!
S (7:41:40 PM): Is that some sort of gay thing?
F (7:38:09 PM): No it’s a gigantic nipple thing.

Joe makes an Anna Nicole Smith reference. Current, Joe!

S (7:42:12 PM): Are you kidding? She does not look like that.
F (7:42:26 PM): Daniele is so pretty. And Dirty Dick’s so nasty.
S (7:42:17 PM): She is very, very hot.

Dustin starts bitching about Joe immediately when he hears the details of the Rivals Twist.

F (7:38:48 PM): Remember, no fist fighting! Only bitch slapping and hair pulling.
S (7:38:40 PM): Uh-oh. Gay death match! Call Mills Lane. Or, I guess, the gay Mills Lane? Does such a person exist?
F (7:39:00 PM): Don’t look at me. I don’t know who the hell you’re talking about. Joe cheated on Dustin? It’s always the uglier one who cheats.

Jessica sees Carol.

S (7:43:16 PM): Is Jessica dressed like Jackie O? Jessica’s nemesis this season will be none other than: Ladybird Johnson!
F (7:43:30 PM): Small town girls can be worse than gay guys. She looks like Alice/Jackie. With Cameron Diaz hoops. Pick someone to rip off and stick with it, lady.
S (7:43:43 PM): For real. And already talking shit about Carol’s fidelity! The money rivals are definitely Jessica and Carol.
F (7:40:40 PM): She’s a mess.
S (7:44:25 PM): Over five dollars! That can buy, like…the props for a whole HOH competition!

Eric gets a confessional in which he is dressed like a street urchin.

F (7:45:06 PM): WOAH Eric. That hat. Feivel at least matched his shirt!
S (7:45:11 PM): The new twist: some of the houseguests are 1840s train conductors.

Joe and Dustin start talking about how they’re wearing each other’s shirts.

F (7:45:53 PM): Sorry, but I can’t believe Dustin ever wore a shirt that was buttoned that high.
S (7:46:02 PM): I know…maybe his mom put too much emphasis on velcro as a child or something?
S (7:46:56 PM): That must be handy. Guys who date guys can share clothes.
F (7:46:40 PM): That’s why gay guys date guys who look like them. Have you ever noticed that?
S (7:47:35 PM): HAHA
S (7:47:37 PM): No

Commercials.

S (7:47:39 PM): My exes always got to wear my clothes, but that’s usually a one way street for straight men. Mostly because I’m guessing I don’t look very good in a halter top.
F (7:47:58 PM): Not all straight men!
S (7:47:49 PM): HAHA. Are you serious about the “gay men look similar” thing?
F (7:48:04 PM): Yeah, totally serious. Go to a gay bar and look at the couples. Most could be twins. Marry a mirror already, douche.
S (7:48:36 PM): Because it’s like my friends and I usually mock girl-guy couples because one is really hot and one is a dog.
F (7:49:06 PM): It only works like that with homos when one is rich.
S (7:49:04 PM): I had no idea BB could be so educational! We’re bridging the gay-straight gap. We should notify our respective embassies so that they can cancel the summit.

The houseguests go out and see the HoH competition setup, which is a bunch of mushrooms. And no that is not a typo.

F (7:46:00 PM): Uh oh, Dick’s gonna try and eat those huge shrooms.

Julie plays up the HoH benefits, including YOUR OWN ROOM!

S (7:52:47 PM): Your own room! What a luxury.
F (7:52:14 PM): Yeah, that anyone can walk into whenever they want. No masturbation prize, even with your own room.
S (7:53:37 PM): Seriously, if they had a free ‘rub one out’ coupon or something about halfway through, there would be mad competition.

The housemates are instructed to pair up.

S (7:53:43 PM): Jameka wants Joe. Why?
F (7:50:15 PM): Because she figures he’s FIERCE and I’ll bet she’s right.

Nick gets left out. He is informed that he is already out of the running for HoH this week.

F (7:50:20 PM): Nick’s a prick. I am hating him. And wanting to do him.
S (7:50:27 PM): I feel that frequently with reality show contestants. Parvati, are you watching? Hi!
F (7:50:55 PM): HA! Micah, you hear us? Wait. I don’t want to do her. Scratch that. Just pure ugh.

Dick actively roots for Daniele to lose.

F (7:53:55 PM): Dude, Dick is a bad father.
S (7:54:51 PM): What tipped you off? The shitty smirk? The douche facial hair?

The HoH competition starts. One member of the pair has to answer questions that Julie poses with true/false answers, and if they get it wrong, the mushroom on which the other member of the pair is sitting will spin faster. The last pair with their mushroom grabber (WTF? Only this show, I swear) on the mushroom will get to be HoH, or something. You know what? Just keep reading. Oh, and the first question is an over/under on how many HGs have had cosmetic surgery.

F (7:51:17 PM): Five have had cosmetic surgery? False. Way more than five.

Julie reveals that the real answer is that only two have.

F (7:51:19 PM): ONLY TWO? LIARS!!!
S (7:51:17 PM): So..let’s guess who! I’m going Kail and Jen.
F (7:51:55 PM): Jen, Daniele, Mike, Joe…
S (7:51:48 PM): And the other ten.
F (7:51:57 PM): What’s considered “surgery”?

Joe bitches in confessional about the mushroom and his knees.

F (7:56:09 PM): What, your knees aren’t worked out? I don’t buy it.
S (7:56:02 PM): HAHA. More importantly , let’s discuss the fact that he is actually wearing jorts on television. Like, he made that choice, consciously. To wear jorts. On TV. Who wears jorts? That’s worse than anything Howie wore!
F (7:56:46 PM): True.
S (7:56:44 PM): And he wore GLOVES.
F (7:56:48 PM): Jorts beat gloves in an ugly fight, hands down.

Houseguests get questions wrong. The mushrooms spin faster and faster. Random crap shoots out of the ground onto the houseguests.

F (7:53:15 PM): I like when they get all Nickelodeon on their asses with these challenges. Slimed!

Someone says “There was CORN in that.”

F (7:53:45 PM): Hey, I don’t remember eating corn!
S (7:53:40 PM): Seriously, when Dick is a better dresser than you, that’s…
F (7:54:05 PM): SAD
S (7:54:54 PM): Aaand I should stop talking about Joe’s jorts, because I have completely stopped paying attention. Wait, is Zack wearing a fanny pack?

Jen has a confessional after she falls off her mushroom.

F (7:58:33 PM): Jen’s voice is killing me. Ohmy gawd hezlike what?
S (7:58:27 PM): Jessica’s voice is worse. Also her headband.

Flour shoots up from the ground.

S (7:58:39 PM): They just antiqued the houseguests! Notify Johnny Knoxville!

Daniele roots for her partner, Mike, who is about to fall off the mushroom.

F (7:58:03 PM): Danielle roots like the dad she never had.
S (7:59:07 PM): Yeah, I’m liking her so far.

Only Joe and Jameka and Kail and Eric now remain. Suspense! Time for commercial.

F : I told you Joe would be fierce.
S: Is it because jorts have extra traction? It’s like he’s a jort octopus or something!
S: Jorts: They’re like Velcro, but uglier.
F: I need some of those for when I get drunk and fall off my chair while I’m recapping. Jorts: The alcoholic’s best friend.
S: Jorts: When you want to scale a building, but your legs get hot really easily.
F: Jorts: the best babysitter ever. Just stick your baby to the hood and move on.
S (8:00:57 PM): HAHA
S (8:01:10 PM): Jorts: They make you a kangaroo, but a kangaroo from 1985.

The commercials are super long, for some reason.

F (7:58:11 PM): PS: my mother is mortified that I am doing this. She’s like WHAT DID I RAISE??
S : Are you kidding? My parents think it’s sort of awesome that I’m, like, fake internet famous.
F (7:58:54 PM): I am staying with my folks and she just doesn’t get what this show is. You should have seen her face as I watched Hey Paula! I swear she was praying under her breath.
S (8:02:57 PM): Well, that’s because there are people on mushrooms. And I’m not talking about Big Brother. Zing!
F (8:02:59) Hey! Paula’s not an addict! She’s just tiiiiiiiiirrreeeddd!!!!

The commercials end. Joe and Kail continue spinning.

S (8:03:22 PM): Jorts: they keep you on the mushroom through the commercial break.
F (8:03:24 PM): He’s like, suctioned onto that thing. Woops. Never mind.

Joe falls off. Kail and Eric win the first HoH competition.

S (8:04:16 PM): Whatever, the annual mushroom gripping festival takes place in her town. And she’s the head of the Oregon Mafia.

Julie tells the HGs that the Rivals (who are still stuck in the HOH room) get to pick between Eric and Kail. The Rivals choose Kail.

F (8:04:36 PM): Kail is the big cheese in her town with her big bible. And she won. This sucks. Maybe prayer does work.

Julie informs the HGs that because the Rivals didn’t play, they’re immune from being nominated this week.

F (8:04:17 PM): Dirty Dick is automatically safe? Gross. Cover the furniture.
S (8:05:29 PM): Being the first HOH is usually not good.

Eric talks about how he’s worried that the rivals are just going to jump out at them.

S (8:05:52 PM): Dude, people are not going to jump out at you.
F (8:05:16 PM): Well this year they are gonna shake it up a bit so who knows?
S (8:05:59 PM): Okay, maybe Dick is going to jump out at you.
F (8:05:26 PM): Dick is gonna jump into your bloodstream.
S (8:06:25 PM): He’s like that movie with Chris Rock where he is a white blood cell. Osmosis Jones? I am pathetic for knowing that.
F (8:06:42 PM): No. Young. I would have named Innerspace with Martin Short. Kail will pick the big booby girl. Watch.
S (8:06:32 PM): She doesn’t bother me too much. She’s gonna pick Joe, for sure.
F (8:06:07 PM): She would, damn homophobe.

Joe takes a shower and washes off the crap from the HoH competition.

F (8:07:14 PM): Wow Joe DOES have huge nipples!!
S (8:07:15 PM): I used to know a guy that we called ‘Moosenips’. And he wasn’t on CBS three nights a week.
F (8:08:41 PM): They look like sand dollars. Or suction cups.
S (8:08:21 PM): Giant nipples: the jorts of human anatomy.
F (8:08:56 PM): Too bad gay guys can’t have babies. He could feed a whole preschool.
S (8:08:48 PM): HAHA
S (8:09:03 PM): Dude, I just got a picture of joe all splayed out like a cow with like sixteen babies suckling him. Like, they’re all fighting for an open nip. I blame you.

Commercials. The HGs are lounging on the couch, waiting for the Rivals to come out of the HoH room. Joe has one button buttoned on his shirt. ONE.

F (8:09:08 PM): Joe, put the girls away.
S (8:13:07 PM): Seriously….is it like name that tune, but with buttons?
S (8:13:14 PM): I can button my shirt in…two buttons.
F (8:13:31 PM): HA the nips look like the buzzers on Press Your Luck. No whammies!!
S (8:14:02 PM): Joe looks worried.

Joe immediately guesses that Dustin is his rival. And then he tells everybody that Joe gave him “immaculate gonorrhea”. Seriously.

S (8:14:11 PM): He figured it out! And he just told the world that he has the clap.
F (8:14:28 PM): He got ghonorreah! OMG.
F (8:14:40 PM): That is so AWESOME.
S (8:14:30 PM): That is nasty.
S (8:14:33 PM): TMI, yo.
F (8:14:37 PM): So Dustin was the one who cheated! I take back the ugly people cheating thing…
S (8:14:48 PM): Jorts: at this juncture, they are the least of your problems.
F (8:14:49 PM): Jorts: They ain’t the only thing that’s sticky.
S (8:15:40 PM): OH
S (8:15:43 PM): NASTY
F (8:15:46 PM): Sorry. How live is this blog? We can edit this later, right?

The houseguests speculate about who else might have enemies while Jessica tells the camera how disgusted she is that Joe blurted out that clap info and aired his dirty laundry in public.

F (8:16:05 PM): She called the other girl a thief!!
F (8:16:14 PM): Of course owing someone five dollars isn’t the same as giving someone gonorrhea, but still. Hypocrite.

Daniele correctly guesses that Dick will be showing up to terrorize her with his douchiness.

S (8:16:35 PM): Luckily, Dick probably doesn’t know how old his daughter is or he would blow her spot on her age.
F (8:17:09 PM): Daniele knows it’s Dirty Dick. Wow these people are good guessers.
S (8:17:58 PM): Or they have really obvious enemies. Or jorts make you clairvoyant.
F (8:17:59 PM): Jorts make you enemies.

Joe makes everybody promise to stay true to the original 11 people and eliminate the Rivals as quickly as possible.

S (8:16:22 PM): Yeah, the whole ‘original 11′ thing worked really well with the ex-factor. Except Alison didn’t have gonorhhea. Right? Right?
S (8:16:57 PM): Dick is such a tool. Seriously, introducing yourself as Evil Dick?
F (8:16:12 PM): Daniele is gonna pull out her claws. I love it! She seems so sweet.
S (8:17:13 PM): I know…I’m definitely on Team Daniele.

The three Rivals come out of the HoH room.

F (8:17:47 PM): Wow, they are all hating on the newbies.
S (8:17:36 PM): This must suck. Imagine having to go into that situation!
S (8:18:06 PM): Daniele is acutally bothered by all of this. Don’t worry, it’s just a dumb TV show! Your dad sucks!
F (8:18:40 PM): Aw! She’s crying! That really is uncool. She probably just finished her antibios and here’s that skanky ass again. Poor baby.
S (8:18:43 PM): I know…maybe Joe has some stashed somewhere for his STD?
F (8:18:47 PM): Ugh. Do they still have to share beds? That’s so not right.

Commercials. Julie comes back to introduce us to America’s Player.

S (8:20:53 PM): I think Julie’s skirt is different. Is her torso overheating?
F (8:21:19 PM): They had to make it smaller cuz she lost five lbs during commercial. Oooh! America’s player. I love it! Make it the hot guy! PLEASE!!

It’s revealed that ERIC is America’s Player.

S (8:22:18 PM): It’s Eric!
F (8:18:33 PM): Oh dammit. Of course it’s the guy I don’t want to force into strippin’!
S (8:22:37 PM): I’m…going to ignore that. He just propped us, though. He was like ‘All the bloggers, holler!’
F (8:22:41 PM): I ain’t no hollaback, so save it. He has some nip rings!!
S (8:22:55 PM): He’s boxing with Daniele! Hi Daniele!
F (8:22:29 PM): OK, I like him.
S (8:23:21 PM): Yeah, he seems cool.
F (8:23:24 PM): And no, it’s not because he has nip rings.

Eric messes around on the giant chessboard in the backyard. He picks up the rook, and nobody’s made a move yet.

S (8:23:17 PM): He’s not the quintessential BB player if he doesn’t even know how to play chess. He picked up the rook and the pawn was in front of it.
F (8:23:21 PM): They should start them out with a giant tic tac toe board during week 1.

Joe and Dustin fight. Probably over ownership of clothes, and who gets to wear the other person’s underwear.

F (8:20:19 PM): Oooh gay fights!! I can’t wait!!
S (8:24:13 PM): Joe is working the dumb crooked hat. Hey, Jameka? The crooked hat is one of my pet peeves.

A montage of Eric ensues.

S (8:20:24 PM): Directive one from America: un-pop your collar.
F (8:20:30 PM): Hey Eric, slap Jen!
F (8:20:38 PM): And tell Amber to put on some makeup!

Well, that’s it for the first episode, everybody. What did you guys think? Is this season going to end up awesome, or terrible? Shouldn’t they have saved the gonorrhea ridden people for the inevitable “some people in the house have an STD” twist next year? Who will Kail nominate?

And, as always, posting spoilers from the feeds in the comments section will earn you the big ban. So don’t do it! There’s plenty of room over in the TVGasm forums for people who want to discuss the occurrences on the live feeds. Also, don’t forget to use BigBrotherTipLine@gmail.com if you wanna update us on the After Dark Showtime show!

See you guys on Sunday!