Trash Talk: Tuesday, March 20, 2007

This morning in Trash Talk: Happy Anniversary, War in Iraq!, Road Rage is caused by a-holes, and Naomi mops up.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, WAR IN IRAQ!

REUTERS reports that about 100 demonstrators were arrested in New York and San Francisco this weekend at protests marking the fourth anniversary of the war in Iraq. 100? That’s it? Come on, America! Act up!

One demonstration in front of the NY stock exchange drew more police than protesters. Another rally, this one in San Francisco, was a staged “die in”, where protesters laid on the ground covered in fake blood and pretended they were dead to represent the 3,200 American lives lost. Leave it up to San Fran to keep it fun. In the 60′s and 70′s, protesting meant filling the streets all unwashed and ungroomed to start things on fire. Our generation is playing Cowboys and Indians. Well, San Francisco is. The rest of us are home watching TV.

Some Anniversaries are harder than others. No one loves war, but right now we’re married to her. If we break up we have to treat her right and fix what we broke, not just pull up our underwear and walk out of the room without a goodbye. The majority of this country was in love with the war in Iraq once, so we have to pay her alimony and take care of the kids occasionally. We never should have married the war, but we did. So let’s accept responsibility, America. Let’s be a man and raise the product of our relationship to be better, stronger, and wiser than either of it’s parents could ever have been. Hopefully the divorce will happen soon and we can move on with our lives in peace.

On this day, the fourth anniversary of the war, I would like to give a special holla of thanks to our service men and women for having the faith that no matter the circumstances, what we have in this Country is ultimately good. And true. And worth believing in. Love you America. Heart, Flipit.

ROAD RAGE IS CAUSED BY A-HOLE DRIVERS

DETROIT FREE PRESS reports that Bernadette Houghton Headd of Macomb County, Michigan was arrested after losing her shit on the freeway and shooting out the tires of a Dodge Ram that was tail-gating her. Her mother immediately came to her defense, saying Bernadette was under a lot of stress and even though she was clearly in the wrong for shooting in public, “stuff happens”. When Bernadette was asked why she did what she did, she didn’t cry or make excuses or faint. She simply said “I’m sick of people tailgating me!” Then she went into the Macomb County Jail and gave the mug shot cameraman this face.

Ms. Bernadette Houghton Headd, you have a new fan.

NAOMI CAMPBELL MAKES IT THROUGH HER FIRST DAY OF COMMUNITY SERVICE WITHOUT HITTING ANYONE

BBC Naomi showed up at the lower East Side docks in Manhattan yesterday to rock out her first day of the community service she is being forced to do because she threw a mobile phone at her maid.

I am proud of our girl, arriving at the Sanitation Department in a chic outfit and stilettos even though she would be in her right mind to take this case all the way to the Supreme Court. Since when aren’t you allowed to throw things at the maid? They’re treating her unfairly because she’s gorgeous! And making her MOP? What is this, Abu Graib? Naomi has decided to shut her mouth and get it over with, and I respect her for it. In the meantime, FREE NAOMI!