Trash Talk: Monday, March 19, 2007

In today’s edition of Trash Talk, Heather Mills gets stomped, Richard Hatch is untouchable, and John McCain doesn’t like being called ugly.

HEATHER MILLS GETS STOMPED

Now that Heather Mills is set to compete in the next season of Dancing with the Stars, news outlets are printing what she’s saying. Turns out, she’s a paranoid nutjob. Yay! She is convinced that her soon to be ex-hubby is using his “powerful system” to slander her and mar her reputation. She doesn’t mention that she’s been calling the police endlessly with non-existent “emergencies”, but she has (falsely) claimed to the press that law enforcement has pledged to be prepared and fully behind her when it comes time for Paul to make his move. Even worse than his trash talk, stalking, and supposedly beating her when she was pregnant, Paul has made PETA stop communitcating with her. At the end of the day, the pussies chose the sausage. To be fair to the animal rights group, I’m sure it had more to do with Heather having no money and less to do with Paul having 100 billion dollars. Poor Heather! If you want to support Miss Mills, you can purchase this lamp on Ebay.

RICH HATCH IS UNTOUCHABLE

Speaking of delusional, let’s check in with Richard Hatch, who is currently serving prison time in a minimum security prison for not paying taxes on his one million dollar Survivor prize. Hatch has already planned his comeback: an autobiography chronicling his life on the reality show’s first season and his hard time on the grisly inside.

The prison’s conditions sound horrifying. They blare Jerry Springer all day and there’s no fence, like they’re daring you to run. Just because he has a gorgeous view of the countryside doesn’t mean he’s at a resort! He is surrounded by child molesters, perverts and rapists. And not one of them will fuck him. Feel better, Rich!

And last but not least, this headline from telegraph.co.uk cracked me up this morning:

STRAIGHT-TALKING MCCAIN VOWS TO FIX WORLD’S VIEW OF THE UGLY AMERICAN

He might want to get a new headshot first.

HAPPY MONDAY!!