FlipitTypes TV – Recaps, Gossip, and Trash Talk

Tonight, on Big Brother:

Mel Gibson burns down the house and puts the “raped by a pack of n words” curse on the HGs.

OK, so that probably won’t happen, but a boy can cross his fingers. Our lovely Chenbot comes out wearing a blue sheet of some sort, tied hastily so she can open it up quickly and gas BabyBot up during commercials. Kind of the modern version of those long underwear people used to wear in the old days with a buttoned trap door in the back so you could just poop the second you came upon a well dug hole.

It’s called formula, Julez. Keep those things inside.

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Nads is in New York til Monday getting more famous, so you suckas are left with me! Luckies!!

My favorite thing about Nads leaving is that it gives me an excuse to make fun of my favorite shitty mag, People! YAAAY!!! The top story at the time of writing:

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Previously on Big Brother: lots of senseless boob shots.

Enough to keep an entire city’s contacts lubed.


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Tonight on Big Brother, Schoonie and Flipit get together to make fun of the new HGs in a sorta liveish blog!

Flipit: Sitting here staring at the TV. I am watching some weird doctor show while I wait. Everyone’s wahing about insurance.

Schoonie: I’m watching Access Hollywood, and they are talking about Emmy nominations. If both Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul don’t win, I’m going to start clotheslining Emmy voters!

Flipit: EW. This is that Jada Pinkett Smith show. That family needs to be stopped.

Taking over Hollywood, one crappy project at a time.

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Schoonie, Flipit and LoLo here. Another season of Big Brother is almost upon us, and now we have some cast pictures to mock! YAY!! Check out pics and commentary after the jump!

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матраци

We open with a picture show of all the millions of people who have auditioned for Idol over the years. I hope there are no people with epilepsy watching, cuz the flashes will kill them on the spot. It’s like a super fast picture show of broken dreams and busted ass faces.

Missing Since 2003

We’re not one second in before we are thrown a major spoiler.

Not that it’s a huge surprise, but still!

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This shit’s almost over, so let’s not waste any time and instead get right to the obligatory “Tink’s Tall” shot of the evening.

Unfortunately, he eventually has to make it down the stairs and boom. Short again.

Short people got no body.

This is the fight over who gets to sing Skara’s super shitty finale song of the year! And THIS. IS AMERICAN IDOL!

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As you know, I prefer getting my Idol recaps up the next day. Partly because this show is old news like two hours after it airs, and partly because I like to not have to have it swimming around my brain all week. This one is a bit delayed because I have been in New York all week. I love this city! The smell of pee! Carb shops (giant bagels) on every corner! Getting drunk til four am and not having to drive! HOLLER!

Me and my sister in a few decades. I’m the blonde.

Golden Girl and drag heel bathtub!

Jesus. Could you be a little more specific?







I would show you pics of drunks peeing in the streets and the old black lady beating a horse buggy driver with her cane, but we’re not here for my trip pics. This is my New York office (Starbuccios). And THIS! IS AMERICAN IDOL RESULTS!






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Tonight on American Idol, we are treated to visions of gay hell and the story of how Harry got herpes.

We all get that reality isn’t really real on TV. So when Rocky music plays and the audience screams and the judge’s comments are edited down to “in it to win it!” “brilliant vocals!” and “you look thin with the snake hair!” we know it’s an illusion. Sometimes, though, you have to put your foot down and just call bullshit.

Why stop at enlarging the hat? Why not just take away his eight chins and his manboobs too? LIARS!

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Tonight on American Idol, Green Mile eats a pizza, Shakira comes on stage without a bikini crutch, and no one shows up with a Canadian accent to confuse my ignorant ass.

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Tonight on American Idol: Skara devolves into Janis Dickinson, Lee’s eyes get horny, and instead of generic country crap we get Shania branded country crap! YAY!

What a slut talent!

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Tonight on the Project Runway finale, Liz Taylor infects Retired Adam Hambert, Mila takes the stick out of her ass, and Emilioth spits all over the damn place.

Name that jug!

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Tonight, American Idol Gives Back! To poor people in Africa, who never really gave American Idol anything. So they’re not really giving back, they’re just giving. Actually no they’re not. You are. Or probably not cuz you’re a cheap little jerk. Actually, I don’t know WTF is going on tonight, so let’s just watch it together and make fun of it.

Posh, at least act like you’re not afraid of poor people.

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Tonight’s all about inspiration cuz of starving kids in Africa or something. Hopefully after she watches this back on TV, Alicia Keys will be inspired to cut herself some bangs.

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Tonight on Project Runway, it’s the Mila/Jaysian smackdown! Who will color block? Who will cry and wear giant scarves? Who will date a gay guy? And what the hell is going on with Tim Gunn’s balls?

The word is “the”. Go!

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Tonight on American Idol: two people go home, Ham hams it up, and Brooke White is still terrible.

Aw crazy white lady. I know you’re hungry. We are too.

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Tonight on American Idol, Tink is a sloppy drunk, Katie tells off Skara, and Adam Hambert singlehandedly keeps the cosmetics industry afloat.

If the AI prize was a Mary Kay convertible I might have tried harder to win.

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Tonight on Project Runway, Emilioth was gross, Mila was angry, and we were robbed of one of the best “Meet My Mom” sequences in PR history.

Oh yeah. And Cynthia Rowley stopped by to show off her new permanently surprised look.

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